So Alone

I guess I've always felt alone even as a kid but I never truly knew what alone really is till now. In just two years my husband left me, my Dad passed away, my 18 year old son moved out on his own and my sister and I no longer talk to each other. I used to look forward to coming home from work but there is nothing to come home to anymore. It's funny, I look forward to going to work and dread leaving work because it means being alone with nothing to do but live in my own hellish mind. At least at work there are people who talk to me but no one there knows just how a lone I really am.  No one calls me(unless of course there is something they want). I wonder if I died in my house tonight if I'd be filled with maggots before anyone found me. That doesn't even bother me as much as who would feed my cat if I die. I remember a time not so long ago that I used to wish for some time for myself. There was so much to do,so many places to go and so many people to take care of. Now there is no one but me. Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.
stonewilder stonewilder
36-40, F
6 Responses Jun 1, 2007

I feel your pain. I started running and speak to everyone I pass on the street greeting them with a smile. I go out to stores and just walk around striking up conversations with random people. I know it sounds weird but it works. I have met alot of new people and meeting new people open up the doors to a new life. Remember we get out of life what we put into it. Find a hobby and decide to just be happy. luv ya.

yes i know how you feel there was a time that i was all alone but when i least expected it i meet a wonderful man and believe me i thought i was finished with men . keep a open mind love tatra

hi, i relate to your post a lot. for different reasons, but i have ended up being more isolated and lonely than i ever thought could be posible. i tell myself that it is only life and i need to make changes, but as it happens sometimes in these situations, i even have little energy for that.<br />
sometimes i use chat rooms to chat with strangers and it helps. sometimes i go for long walks. i almost never eat out cause i tend to feel lonely. so as time goes by, now and then i am afraid that i am losing my social skills and being more isolated. i know people's support and kind words usually last a few seconds, but hopefully ours here add to hope. this is coming from a man who is at the lowest of his lows, so somehow, there must be hope in and out of us. i wish you inner peace and that someone compatible , as a friend or lover, makes your day to day a bit better, or even better, a lot better ... peace and strength - mike -

Yours is one of the most lucid and thoughtful (though saddening) posts I have seen, Stone. I especially appreciated your closing comment.<br />
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I hope you see your luck turn soon and someone walks into your life who you want to come home to.<br />
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BTW - That's a good pic of your cat.

like heartlove said I've never been through what you're going so I won't pretend that I understand but what do you have to lose in joining some sort of club, or helping out in the community just stuff like that not only helps you but helps out other people while you're at it.

I've never been through what you're going so I won't pretend that I understand. My mom was in the same condition, I'm studying away in another place, my brothers grew up and are no longer with her at most times, she only has my sister. Before all of that change, she used to have us around her and bugging her everywhere, like a lifestyle. We used to go out all the time and mess up everything when we were kids. She used to teach us and we would annoy her. But she loved that and you know, kids are kids Now she always tells me how much she misses that and I feel for her because I am alone too. You just have to practice how to handle it in daily life. A friend of mine told me that you should also embrace the positives in life, try something new, have fun. It's not only about the negative. Try finiding some kind of hobby or something that cheers you up. You can always visit your son or who ever is dear to you. Find good friends that will support you, try to do all of these things and I promise everything will be juts fine<br />