Married And Still Lonely

I am married and I am still alone.  It's 9:02pm and my husband is at a baseball game with his mom, dad, and sister.  I am at home with my two kids and they have been arguing and throwing crap around.  I am tired all the time.  I recently got on Prozac, but that doesn't even seem to help.  I have a gym membership and I can't even go!  I am so exhausted from running the kids around to swim practice, tennis practice, golf lessons, anything they want that I am so tired by the end of the day when he gets home that I have no energy for anything else.  I want to go back to the gym again so bad because I want to feel like I used to feel.  Healthy and full of energy and confidence.  I hate that I have no friends since I've had kids.  Sometimes they act up so much that I chase off potential friends.  I just want to cry all the frickin' time.  Oh and it gets better.  I don't get along with my family at all.  My mom has been married 6 times and she cheated on all of them.  I have 2 sisters, both younger than me, one is still in high school and they constantly tear me down.  I'm never included in anything family related.  THey hate me b/c I went to court in a custody battle and helped one of my step-dad's win custody of my younger sister.   I have an ex that is a addicted to anything that  catches his attention.  The latest thing was Vicodan.  Now he's out of rehab, lost his job, his last marriage and just tried to get the social security no. from my child so that he can file welfare even though he hardly sees this child.  I try not to deal with the guy at all but I have to.  I have to let my daughter know that she is loved by him even though he's a retard.   I hate that I was married so young, that I had a mother that didn't protect me.  I hate that my sisters think I'm a loser even though I worked hard to make sure my kids don't suffer as I did.  I put my kids through private school, they are on honor roll.  I put my kids in all these activities and I make sure they don't slack off.  I make sure they are never around my mom.  I protect them but here I am, walked on by everyone and talked to by no one.  I am sad and have nobody to talk to.  So, here I am by myself, posting bullshit problems that I wish were different on a website for people with problems worse than mine.  I really wish my husband would have chosen to stay with me tonight rather than his mom, sister, and family.  I also wish that I felt like my old self again.   I  miss me.
barbarasmiles barbarasmiles
31-35
2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Yours kids will eventully grow up and become a people in society, sounds like you are doing a great job with yuor kids and that goes unnotice by many. but, the payback will be great when you know you did better than your mom and your kids will be thanking you for what you had sacfrice for them. <br />
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Only you can make you happy. Not anyone but you. Hang in there!

hugs