Self Esteem

I've had this self esteem issue since i was really small because of my parents. and then later i had an abusive boyfriend who just made me feel more insecure than ever. i felt like i was the dumbest person ever, cause he was acing classes and i was getting Bs and As... he thought everything was easy, and i struggled, and he just hurt me when he tried to help. four years later, i'm still struggling with self-esteem issues. and to make matters worse, at my new skool (where there are like forty kids in my grade) my three best friends are the smartest in the grade, one of them my boyfriend. and my bestie and my bf have these contests about who can do better, and i'm always there overhearing their conversations... and it just makes me sad that i'm not as smart as them. and then when they start talking about colleges, they talk about all the ivy leagues... and i'm like "oh yeah i wanna go to this small private school" and they just make me feel so stupid. and my bf tells me all the time that i'm really smart, but i don't feel like he is being genuine. i just feel like he is saying that cause that is what i want him to say.

i just feel so depressed... and then my parents got back my grades, and have lost all faith that i'm smart. and i'm thinking that maybe my grades were so low this year because i was transitioning to a different school. but then again so did my bestie and she is doing really well. and that was my junior year, and i feel like that was the deciding factor for colleges to base me on. i just feel like they won't accept me. and i'm just so pissed off at myself for doing so bad.

apart from my boyfriend, i have literally hit rock bottom, and i feel like no one will help me get back onto my feet. i just feels like everyone is so busy feeling smart, that they won't understand me.
thedreamsofme thedreamsofme
18-21
2 Responses Aug 11, 2010

i wish to break your illusion - school grades don't say **** about your intelligence

hey perhaps your boyfriend loves you because of the simplicity you have..probably..because of the qualities you have that probably the girl geeks around you dont have...your situation is quite similar to mine..i m an okay okay girl and my boyfriend is a smarty geek..i m just into a simple job and he is going for higher studies but still i still myself in mirror and i find in me his love..look into a mirror and seek yourself..