Feeling Alone And LonelyI have never felt more alone than when i got married. When i was younger from high school to college even with a dozen of very close friends, i always value time for myself. I love to be alone. But i didn't feel lonely then. I just like time for myself to meditate and just breathe and get away from peer pressures. Whenever i feel the need for company i have my dozen friends to run to, i have my family, my colleagues. I was feeling happy inside then.
It is different now. When i got married i have to relocate to a city far from my hometown. There were no friends and family in the city where we live now. My husband doesn't have friends too-- he is not a friendly person, he keeps to himself and is very arrogant. We don't talk much, and we don't do things together. Whenever i ask to go out, there would be a lot of issues. When i do get out alone to do some window shopping or groceries and get home a bit late, hell would be ready for me. Thus i shy away from neighbors and didn't have the chance to meet new friends and acquaintances. I am working from home and stays home most of the time taking care of the kids and cleaning the house. That's all i do all day 24/7. The only time i can relax is when everyone's asleep thus give me time to check on this site, on facebook to look up some old friends profiles.
And oh, it gets so depressing to look up friends facebook accounts. While they were having grand vacations someplace, posted happy photos and family events, i have none, zero. We have not gone anywhere, have not dated anywhere, no plans in the near future, no gatherings and family events, no parties attended the whole 7 years that we've been together. It's like i am in a monastery of sort, worst. I love my kids and love spending time with them. Maybe when i will be sending them to school, we'll have more time to go out on excursions or school events.
I feel alone because i have no one to talk to, no one to run to when i have problems. I just keep things to myself. I cannot talk about my problems to my 4 and 4 year old sons. My happiness comes from my sons but i still feel alone and worst, lonely most of the time.