Always Alone, Never Happy, People Suck

Everyone is on there mission to find there true happiness, this is why they do what they do, work where they work, or try to be who they believe will get them happiness and success. To me both go hand and hand, I see this all around me. People are always smiling, laughing, and just having a good time together. For some reason they are able to find happiness with others even though their lives might not be as they wish. Due to this i came to the conclusion that in order to be happy you need to be with people, you need to find the people or the person you can relate to and share your story with to achieve joy. For a few people this is extremely hard like myself. I am not the kind of person most people would find idle to associate with nether the less befriend. At one point in my life i had lots of people o could talk to and be happy around. All those people have left my life and now i am alone. Most people don't and never will understand what being alone means or feels like. To me this feeling of loneliness is one thing i would give anything to be taken away. I have become more reserve due to my past experiences, i have discovered the obvious; when someone doesn't understand you, and they question why you think the way you do, why you do the things you do, and why you feel the way you feel. After they hear you and don't understand most just choose to act like they never heard anything or in my case most choose to just leave and never talk or see you again. After awhile that starts to affect you in a way. it brings you pain when you know that people judge you and as soon as they see or hear something they're understand or are ok with they leave just like that, they just move on like its nothing. Well to the person who a little different, the person who may see the world in a different perspective then other it is a big deal. Well to me it is. So i don't agree with everyone, i do certain things people may classify as weird or abnormal. That's because they leave before finding out who i truly am and what i have gone through to make me this way. i am a very reserve person due to this, i have been honest and open with people about my life and certain things i have done and gone through. Everyone up to today has heard only bits and pieces before making there assumptions and judgmental minds get the best of them and they choose to act like we've never had a conversation. So now i am alone. Yes I have scares from cutting myself, yes i have tried to kill myself multiple times, yes i have been to jail, and yes i hate my life. the people i have tried to connect with have heard this and left, they leave before finding out "WHY!" Some people truly think that you chose to be that way and do the thing you do, well to all you ******* dumb *** people NOOOO! **** happen to people, **** that you wouldn't even imagine. To all the ****** Up people who choose to judge someone before truly knowing them he a little something **** YOU!!! I have always given the person the befit of the doubt, i could care less what other people say or think everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but hear them out first and truly listen to what they have got to say. Everyone needs at least one person to whom they can talk and share things with. Most people are scared to be themselves and want people to like them so they choose to be fake and people end up liking someone who aren’t even real. i choose to be myself and because people are so curl they choose to leave and stay away. Being alone is something i hate them most. I hate not being able to talk to someone without be judged, hate not having someone there when you need them. It makes me mad and sad at the same time. Feeling alone is one of the reasons I wanted and still want to die. Feeling alone having no one in your life you can truly trust no one you can talk to is extremely hard; and if your anything like me it gets to you and you start to question yourself and everything around you. I hate feeling and being alone. I know that if i had at least one person i could trust and i knew would be there that one person would make all the difference, but i refuse to act or be something I'm not. So i move forward with this pain i feel of loneliness hoping that i will find someone before i choose to stop everything and just give up.
IvisMendez IvisMendez
Dec 12, 2012