It has always been this way. Just a pit of despair that has me trapped. When I talk to people and have fun, I forget about these feelings for a while. Sadly, once they leave, it all comes back to me.

My friend Molly, hasn't talked to me for so long. Not only that but she has been talking to this guy Chris, last time I was aware, she hated him. With my consent, she made an account pretending to be me, and even talked to him. I told her to be nice. Unlike her I never hated him.

Well, recently I resorted into talking to him, after so long, he was pissed, and hurt. He sent me a screenshot of a message "I" sent him. It was horrible, telling him that I don't want to be his friend, and to never talk to me ever again. Instead of ratting out my friend, and admitting to giving her permission to pretend to be me, I took the blame. I found out about a relapse that happened because of it. I feel so horrible, and I can't even talk to either of them about it, because he is so hurt, and she won't answer.

After I left her place, where her gran openly hated me, and I told her I was panromantic, greyexual, she stopped talking to me. I mean it wasn't really a big "coming out" deal. It was just in context and I said it. Like if someone asked you a question and you answered it. Not a big deal. I have no idea why she won't talk to me, and the last time she did, I had called her and she said she was to busy to talk. I guess that is it then, I should find other friends, and move on with my life. I mean I do prefer my own company better.

I feel like Jenna actually doesn't like me. I feel as though in a way, she pities me and talks to me for that reason. Today she told me she was going to sleep, but she stayed on Facebook, and is still on. She also told me her phone is broken, but I saw her using it, and she sent things off of it. Another thing that confuses me, is she told me she can't hang out until September, except today she said she wasn't doing anything.

I feel very alone, and it is not fun. I guess ranting makes me a bit happier. It does help to tell others your problems, especially strangers, in my opinion. Thank-you for reading. Have a nice day. Bye <3
NiennaG125 NiennaG125
13-15, F
Aug 23, 2014