The Hardest Thing

I feel as though I am alone right now, walking away from the only man who has never been so loyal and faithful to me. 

Inside I feel as though he is not the "one", and I don't want to drag him through my dirt road of what I did to my exes when I wanted "my cake and eat it too" attitude.  I couldn't ever do any of those things to him.  I could never have another man touch my skin and come home to him.  Not ever in a million years. 

Why can't he see that by me walking away, I just want to protect him? 

He knows I'm leaving.  I told him.  Emotionally, he is shutting out.  I want to so bad, grab him, tell him I don't want to leave, and be happy ever after, but I can't.  I don't want to hurt him.  I can't.  I love him too much to hurt him.  Why can't he see that? 

I wish he could see how much this hurts me inside.  It hurts to act like it doesn't.


Conspicua Conspicua
26-30, F
3 Responses Mar 28, 2009

I didn't "do" anything to him. I moved to another state for him, but I'm so home sick and I miss my friends. I feel as though I can't be productive here. <br />
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Me moving back is going to break his heart, and it breaks mine, but I have to think about my future. <br />
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This is one of the hardest things for me.

I also think that honesty is the best policy. But I also know it's easier said than done. I have at times also been conflicted about wanting to have my cake and eat it, too - not in the exact same way as your story describes, but the same principle. I know that it's horribly lonely when relationships end. I just ended one less than a week ago. I hope that you find peace and happiness no matter what you decide to do.

you are not alone. i experienced something similar to this and instead of leaving i just told the truth to my man and let him make up his own mind what he wanted to do. thank god i did because he didn't leave me and we got through it. we are very happy together now.<br />
i'm not telling you that everything will be ok if you tell him the truth i'm just suggesting to you that you give him his right to react to the situation. don't take away all his options.