Others don't see us as we see ourselves.  It can be a terribly lonely feeling when those we've grown to trust and appreciate insist on defining us as somebody we are not.


As much as I've grown to love EP, this can be a terribly lonely place.  AT times, I look around here and feel sorrow for so many of my brothers and sisters hiding behind anonymity to find connection to others.  I believe it is possible to truly connect here -- I have been blessed to build one (yes ONE) really strong and intimate bond here at EP.  Yet, cyber hugs are not the same as real hugs.  The gap of time between messages can lead to all sorts of insecurity and suspicion.  The reality of distance and duty stand in the way of fostering what it is we wish we could cultivate.


What is one to do, but to pick up and keep living the material world with faces for avatars, names and titles for identities, and guarded expressions for communication?  We choose what we show, and yet others may very well choose to see something different.  Such is the nature of loneliness.  It is a place I'm growing far too used to, and it beginning to get rather frightening.

juan1966 juan1966
46-50, M
26 Responses Oct 19, 2009

U r completely rite an i kno exactly how u feel too. i got some friends on here i would really like to meet in person but itis kinda scary to me too u know? but i dont feel as lonely when im on EP cause this is where my friends are not in my regular life, not in school, not in other places.


Very well stated, and I feel the same way at times.

This is true to every word, thanks for sharing. I empathize.

You are right. We do choose what we want to show but others can choose not to see it the same way as us. Unfortunately, we don't have control over that sometimes. We only can control ourselves and the way we feel about others.

Its so true what you say.....I totally agree.....I have found one amazing person on here that I have grown a special bond with...a true friendship that can last a it is possible that even seperated by thousands of miles, the internet ca still bring true friendship and companionship...

Thank you for expressing a painful modern reality so well. Thinking about what you've said inclines me to moderate my expectations of what I may find here. This is an artificial way for humans to connect. Yet, it may be worth some of my time. I will have to see.

Well there is no way I could disagree with your story. I'm not saying this is a solution, but I remember going on an anime website a while ago. Most members knew each other on their much like you guys seem to know each other and would meet at the annual Sakura-con (yearly Convention). Obviously all having a mutual interest in anime it was something for them to look forward to and meet up, maybe our lonely and depressed souls need something similar. Especially considering that a social life is very important for overall health.

I can relate to the whole friend poofy thing... my best friend hasn't said a word to me in 3 weeks. We've never met but I'm going down to tampa where she lives, yet she doesn't want to meet me and since I am going there this coming week I guess that's the reason she's just cut me off.<br />
<br />
I feel like I've fallen flat on my ***, even though this has been progressing for a while and we have been getting more distant... it's like a rug was just pulled from under me, I had just gotten over my ex-gf leaving me for her best friend.<br />
<br />
Yet somehow I feel like it's my fault, because when my gf left me I started to cling to my friend to much, but she was never there and so I got angry, and we got in fights a lot.... I dont know what to do now.

Such a great post, very well spoken. I have to say you explained how sometimes I feel here.

yeah that is true:) yu know y that is my experience also but im not always lonely....

Well, I run a business of my own and am always on the computer to check emails, check advertising, etc. I am afraid I am a slave to technology in this way. However, it also means that I regularly check all my accounts including this one, tho I am fairly new to EP. I have found it quite helpful. And I will for a long time I'm sure. Not alone. There's lots of people here for you. If you need it, I'll be here 2. Cant ever have to many people to have you back. :)

Hang in there Juan, everything will be better. I hope that sadness becomes a smile soon.

Thank you.<br />
Thank all of you for your comments.<br />
I apologize for the negativity in this post. Something was said to me yesterday that really upset me. Having had some time to think about it, I've realized that it wasn't meant to hurt, that it was based on a misconception, and that I should not take it too personally.<br />
<br />
Let me say too, that I am here, at EP, quite similar to who I am in the rest of my life. When I came to this place I pledged to myself that I would maintain my integrity. Let me say too, that I've been blessed to have made contact with some really high quality human beings -- here at EP, and in the rest of my life. I am truly grateful for that, and I know deep in my heart and in my mind that I am not alone.

I suppose I'm lucky because I've actually met a 'friend' on here for real. It was fairly easy for us, as we both work in central London and it was easy enough to meet up for a drink after work, and I appreciate that it would not be so easy for those who don't live in a city. It was also just two guys meeting in a pub, so there was no romantic interest to complicate things and we don't have huge 'issues' that could make things heavy, though I am a little shyer than he is. In our case we were both surprised how accurate our picture of each other was. Although different in some ways, we share a similar sense of humour and that always helps. We're in the process of arranging another meet, and we also chat on the phone. The only slight problem is that now we are friends, should we tell other friends we introduce each other to that we met on this site? Although I know it shouldn't, it still feels a little weird to say to people that we became friends through the internet, though perhaps that's because people might wonder exactly what kind of site it was!

Juan, being new to EP, I've not have the opportunity to 'meet' you. However, being new, I may have an insight for you.<br />
<br />
It may have been different for you... Speaking for myself, I've become a bit of a recluse, as-of-late. On those unavoidable excursions from my home, I'd certainly not have approached people I did not know with those things I felt the need to talk about. In fact, I didn't feel the ability to approach those that I know.<br />
<br />
The fact that you've (by what I've read) managed to develop friendships, even in this forum, is STILL a very good thing. While we (in general) most frequently think of how others effect us, we sometimes forget that we, in turn effect others. It seems you've (if a bit unsatisfied yourself) had a positive effect on others here. Otherwise, you'd not have had the positive responses.<br />
<br />
I remember an old phone commercial that touted, 'reaching out and touching someone.' It seems that you've done just that... :)<br />
<br />
Hope you feel better soon.

I really agree

To me you are real. Solid, honest and true. You are my dear friend.<br />
<br />
We sometimes let those who love us to sway us from what we know about ourselves to be genuine. We shouldn't do that.<br />
<br />
And sometimes a place can make us feel lonely too. EP, the desk we sit at or the home we live in. <br />
<br />
You are a mighty man Juan, you deserve more instead of less.

I can feel your sandness , Juan. <br />
Yes, internet communication can be challenging. Probably more than real life interactions due to the inherent limitations. Yet somehow we manage to form deep and intimate connections and friendships...if even with one person or very small group of people. <br />
I think that it doesn't differ much from real life in that aspect...genuine, deep connections are few and very precious. <br />
<br />
I consider you a good friend on here, Juan.

True, Tasmin -- very true.

Thanks Frito.<br />
Both you and Datura are so very generous with your support. <br />
I think part of the problem is that sometimes the nature of this place sets the scene for misunderstanding.

I dont feel the same in that I never feel lonely on EP. I have a mumber of people that I know to be genuine and I am in contact with outside EP also. For me it is more often the case that others see me better than I see myself. And I think the truth lies somewhere inbetween .. I am not quite as I imagine nor am I quite as others imagine. But that is in real life as much as EP

Thank you Datura!<br />
The feeling is mutual. I didn't mean to discount the friends I've made here, including you. I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone's feelings for saying what I've said. Today, it just feels rather heavy.

I believe that it is possible to genuinely connect here. And I have felt the loneliness here also as well as genuine care and compassion. But everything is left up to the written word and how we interpret them....if only we could talk in person...see each other...real hugs instead of virtual hugs (although I believe we can "feel" virtual hugs).<br />
Juan I hope there is a way that you can at least meet and spend some time with the person you've developed a close bond with. You deserve that.

I feel sad for you. <br />
<br />
Even in life outside of EP people don't see us as we see ourselves. It's a known psychological phenomenon. There is always a discrepancy.<br />
<br />
I think of you as my friend, Juan. As a real friend. You are real to me. Maybe I don't see you as you see yourself, but I see you as a friend who I adore.

: ( indeed.