I Feel Alone Right Now And It Hurts

I've been feeling in a really crappy the mood the past few days overall.  After an incidient a couple weeks ago where I turned suicidal when I was drunk I've been seeing a conselor to adress the built up issues I have with depression that I've tried to keep hidden.  I've seen him 3 times now, and he and I both agree that I have dysthymia, which is a less severe but longer lasting form of depression.  In addition to that I have some anxiety issues as well.  Next time I meet we're going to talk about putting me on an anti-depressant.  For a while I tried to hide my problems, I didn't like acting bummed out and pessimistic when I was always around people that seemed to be enjoying life so much more than me.  But lately, I can't do it anymore.  It's too hard.  But whenever I try just acting how I really feel, no one seems to notice.  I can be a quiet person sometimes, a lot of the time when I'm like that though its because I'm feeling down and I can't get into whats going on around.  But people can't seem to differentiate between the two.  No one stops to ask, "hey are you feeling ok?"  It makes me feel like I'm not there when that happens.  And then I start to feel bitter at people for not paying attention to me.  I feel neglected a lot.  And then I start to worry that because no one seems to take an interest in me, I'm a dull person.  It really seems like I have no personality sometimes, I feel like I'm the most uninteresting worthless person in the world.  Sometimes I feel like it wouldn't make a difference in this world if I didn't exist.  Thats how distanced I feel from everyone and everything somtimes.  And I don't know how to get these feelings across to people.  I have my conselor to talk to, but that's only once a week.  And usually I have **** I need to get off my mind more than that.  I know I have a few friends who I could talk to whenever I need to, but I feel like they would be concerned about me after telling them whats bothering me.  Friends should be concerned about friends though, right?  For some reason though, I feel like I'm afraid to let people be worried about me.  I've always had trouble with being close to people.  I don't know why I'm afraid of it so much.  But I feel like it contributes to me feeling lonely.  Anyways I just needed to rant a little bit here, it really just hurts to feel this lonely.

dm1290 dm1290
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

I know exactly how you feel. I do not socialize much and all my friends and family seem to eventually leave me because of different schools, financial issues, ect.<br />
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I know the feeling of feeling invisible/meaningless.<br />
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I know you just wanted to rant and stuff, and I'm sure you know that you're not alone in feeling this way, but I just want to say you should keep moving forward. Stay strong. Tell the truth of your feelings. You should not suffer in silence.<br />
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Do not feel that you are worthless. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you are a genuinely a good person with good intents, then you are not worthless. <br />
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I am sure that there is at least one person in your life that is very happy that you exist.