I Feel Like I Have No Life!!

Hi, I feel like i have no life, or at least one not worth living, i feel massively guilty for thinking these thoughts which has a negative effect and it a never ending circle of nothingness. Just under 3 years ago my husband had a massive cardiac arrest he spent weeks in a coma and was not expected to pull through. He did however wake, weeks later, but the lack of oxygen to his brain during his cardiac arrest when his heart stopped, caused him too have severe brain damage!!  He was sent to a rehab centre but a year in they had barely had any progress he was classed as needing such a high level of care it was impossible to consider bringing him home, so we choose an amazing care home which specializes in neurological conditions, he has been there for nearly two years now, and while he seems settled and hasn't really got any awareness of the world around him, I have been through hell......   We have 2 children together they were age 8 & 6 at the time, so as well as looking after them alone, i have also had to deal with financial problems, as my husband was the breadwinner and dealing with the courts over issues has been draining, suddenly we had no income and had to manage on our savings. I have never had a good relationship with my husbands family now we don't see them at all, and they don't see him which is ackward. Life is just an endless round of visiting my hubby, trying to make ends meet, i work part-time now to ease the burden too, and dealing with all the problems that arise from being a single mum and dealing with everything on my own. I do love my husband, but its so difficult seeing everyone getting on with there lives, i feel so lonely, but being in the situation i am i feel like i can't do anything about that situation for the sake of remaining faithful to my husband.. Can't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. Please can anyone offer me any advice or support!!

abbeyc abbeyc
36-40, F
6 Responses Feb 27, 2010

This story is heartbreaking, and I am so sorry for your troubles. It seems like you're getting good advice here about finding someone to talk to, and getting some help.
You are obviously a strong, motivated, and caring woman to be doing what you are doing, I don't think it's healthy to be resigning yourself to a life of loneliness. This loss is tragic, devastating, but it is just that, a loss. I'm not saying you should forget him, or even move on entirely, but bearing these emotional burdens alone is not likely what a caring husband would want from you. Were I in his shoes, I would tell you to find someone. Find a companion who cares for you and can help you carry this weight. I understand that being faithful to your husband is important to you, but faithful to what part of him? The part that can care for you and support you is gone. Maybe the part of him that wants you to feel loved and treasured isn't.

Please contact Michele Rosenthal. She has trained extensively to counsel people who have had serious traumatic episodes in their lives, and she does this for FREE. If your doctor won't help you with a counsellor, then take the responsibility yourself to find on-line free counselling - it won't harm, and it might just help you to come through these dreadful times. I wish you all the very best, and send you a big hug - simply because you deserve one.

thankyou for all your messages of support and understanding. topbirbkat i have been via my GP and had some very basic counselling, but i think the idea of more specialised counselling is a good idea, somedays are harder than others but i am trying very hard to make a life that works for all of us, without feeling guiltly.... i think it will always be a struggle but i have to do what i have to do to get through this. thanks again for your kind words and i wish you all well in your lives too

Dear lady, you need counselling for 'depression' and possibly 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder'. I hope you can afford to see a counsellor for this, because you can't possibly cope with it all alone, and you will be able to gain insight and advice from a counsellor. My best wishes to you - you ARE worthwhile, and one day you will realise it's not your own fault that you've felt these dreadful things. Some things in life kick us so badly that our minds don't always see the wood for the trees - some of it is 'subconscious' - so please do try to see a counsellor who will be able to help you. If you need any support, then please feel free to contact me here - I'm willing to be a friend to you - but I'm NOT a PTSD counsellor. I can guide you to Michele Rosenthal's site for PTSD sufferers, and that may be of assistance to you too: http://healmyptsd.com/ptsd-blog

You are so strong and brave. I admire you very much and I hope that you start to feel the joys of life again as soon as possible. Never give up, and no matter what you feel - you are not alone.

i cant give you advice about this situation :) so ill try to give you some support ......<br />
you seem a great woman all you have been throw and keep going on and you shouldn't feel lonely or something you have your kids :) i know you meant it in another way but at least you have something :) and someday everything will be right if not its not the end yet :) ..<br />
i know i didn't say much but i hope i helped you some way some how tho i doubt <br />
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always head up :) peace