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Its Been a While

since I've been angry or bitter. My relationship with God changed that. I use to get mad I'd stab the wall or my door with a knife. Get in fights with my brother and take it out on my bratty niece who'd give me crap all the time. Jealousy was definitely an issue and hinderance with my relationship with my family.

And one time I almost cut my fingers off not cause I was like "waa waa I want to cut myself".

I did it out of anger and bitterness, its like I had nowhere to channel that anger or express it so I drove that knife into my fingers. I cut a nerve so I can't bend my pinky like before. Now when I play guitar its been just a tad bit harder but its okay, it reminds me of the stupidity I've been free from.

Gosh how ugly is that? Really unattractive right?

I'm glad I'm not like that anymore. I think of myself as sweet and sour. Nowadays I'm happy and have let go of the bondage of self-pity, selfishness, jealousy, and insecurities in my life...but there are occasions where I'm like: what the hell do I have to deal with this? I guess God has really kept me grounded because I don't go wild anymore. I just have to realize that life doesn't always work the way I want it to. Its a self-satisfaction issue. If I'm not satisfied with life now, I'll never be satisfied with life in the future no matter the money, the success, or men. I have God to thank for that.

ladynau ladynau 19-21, F 2 Responses Feb 23, 2008

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I'm glad you had. :)<br />
<br />
Sometimes its not the people around us that cause grief but our own human nature. Its a constant battle we have to fight with the wonderful help of Jesus Christ.<br />
<br />
&hearts;

Thanks for posting this story. You have helped me a lot through these words.