Reminiscing On Drunken Dad

He used to drink a lot. I remember once, he had gotten absolutely pissed out of his face down town. He was vile to his girlfriend so she went home and left us with him. I must have been about 8 at the most and I was petrified. Me and my eldest brother didn't get on but I couldn't stand seeing Dad hurting him. 
That's what it always turned into; Dad projecting his anger onto us... but it was my brother that felt most of it. This night was different though.

Dad drove us home, while we all sat glued to our seats and as soon as we got into the house, me and my two brothers tried to scamper upstairs. 
"my name." 
The sound of his voice sent a cold, sweaty shiver down my spine and a painful redness to my cheeks. I turned around. 
"Stay with Daddy". He commanded. 
I followed him into the pitch-black living room where he lay down on his dirtied, white sofa. He asked me to come and lie with him so I did as I was told. As dad played with my hair and put one leg over mine, he slurred into my little ears in detail, how we was going to commit suicide. 

He explained about which tie he was going to use to hang himself in the wardrobe and described how he would have a post-it note on his clothes saying "happy now?" He laughed sarcastically and I tried not to cry as he breathed alcoholic stench in my face. 

I lay there for 2 hours and 17 minutes and listened to every word. He told me what his corpse would look like and how sad everyone would be and how God wouldn't take me or my mother or siblings to heaven because we weren't good enough. Eventually he passed out and by the morning, he couldn't remember any of it. Funny that, I don't think I'll ever forget. 
mixedupmess mixedupmess
18-21, F
May 7, 2012