10 Years Of History, Same Love, Just To Much Water Under The Bridge

I met this guy at work and there was a connection straight away. We were friends for 3/4 years, best friends and I started to realise that I had feelings for him but wasn't sure he felt the same. I then went away for 5 weeks and I knew I missed him but did not expect him to tell me he loved me when I came home. He realised he missed me when he was away and that he knew it was more than being friends. I was nervous as I did not want to lose a friend but knew I loved him. We then spent the next 5 years together (live together for one year) we had a few ups and downs but mainly ups and I loved him to death. We talked all the time and he was a great listener. He had problems, we both came from diff family backgrounds, he did not have a great childhood where as mine was pretty 'normal'.  His mum caused problems, always a drama which has an effect on us. His dad, just didn't have anything to do with him despite my partner trying (it hurt to watch him be rejected). Last year (a year ago) he got really stressed out, with work, his family, everything, he blew up and went missing for 2 days. When he came back he went to see his dad and his dad had him sectioned. This killed me as his dad did not know him and for him to do this and not less the people near him involved was very painful. Anyway, he spent 2 weeks in hospital, this was heartbreaking to see him in there and I became the only one who spent very minute with him. When he came out he stayed with his mum (condition with him being released from hospital) I had to sort out our flat, everything on my own. He then decided he needed a break from us, this lasted 3 months and I took him back again after he said he was sorry and knew what he wanted. I decided to give it another go, as I never fell out of love with him. A year down the line I found I could not forget and I couldn't live with the 'what if' all the time. Could I have a family, house, children and rely on him??? I would stay with him becuase I love him but there would be a chance I would have to sacrifice what I wanted. It was tough but I made the decision to seperate which was really, really, tough when I still love him. I'm hoping I have made the right decision and will look back and know I can get through this and I will be stronger!!!!! I miss him to bits and always will love him.
daisyhh daisyhh
26-30, F
May 14, 2012