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Tired of Crying

 My husband and i have been married for almost 8 years. He was in the navy a long time ago, before we were together. He was young, and his fiance ended up with his best friend. He is in the reserves now but they are talking about activating him. He was recently gone for a month in Panama, which he did over the summer, but this time he has not been the same since he got back. He hardly looks at me, he is distant and cold, he says he "doesn't make me happy" and "we are different paths now" and all this other crap. He keeps saying he is going to talk to me about stuff but he keeps putting it off. I am going absolutely insane, wondering if he still loves me, if there is hope for our marriage, if we can keep our family together. He hasn't said he wants a divorce, but he keeps saying he is going to gone a lot over the next 2 years and he "just wants me to be happy" but i want him; i told him i would wait for him if still loves me. I know he went through a lot down there, but he won't talk to anybody. He is constantly on the computer talking to his navy friends or this girl from panama, who is totally hot, which doesn't make me feel any better as i am already insecure. He says she's married and they're just friends but it still ****** me off. I think he is avoiding feelings and conflict but i can't take it anymore. I just want to spend what little time we have together, together. I don't understand what is happening and i am so sad....

mhill mhill 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2009

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well we finally talked for two hours last night. I feel a lot better just knowing where we stand and how he feels. We are going to individually work on some problems we each have while he is away and see how we feel after his training. I have hope that in the end we can be stronger and happier, and if not, then life will still go on. I feel better about "the other woman" too, she is married with a baby and other people in his unit all talk to her and other people they met too. I was just insanely insecure and thinking the worst. we still love each other but the last couple years have been up and down, so now is the time to make some changes and see what happens. thanks for all your responses :)

When they are "gone" in their service alot of times they do have emotional issues when they come back. Very common that is for sure. Mine right now (we are not married) is having a ton of them from coming back from Iraq this past July. Sit him down and try the counseling. Also, he needs to understand that this other women deal is not helping with the problems you and he are having. Alot of service men also feel sometimes that we (the ones they are with) do not deserve to put up with the issues that they are having and hate it when they are gone due to what they see. Which is alot of other guys getting the papers in the mail. Happened every day when mine was deployed to him. Dont just give up yet and try as best as you can to keep the marriage going. If it doesnt work then at least you know in your heart you tried everything instead of just giving up. Try our site the marine girlfriend one and ask around. You are not the only one that has had to deal with our men having issues after a service. You can actually try and read up on it too. Especially if he is Navy, very similiar to Marine. And, if there is something he needs to talk to you about he needs to do it, even if it is something you dont want to hear. He needs to STOP talking to that other women or it needs to be made known to her it bothers you. Good luck sweetie!

i've had the same question, believe me. It doesn't exactly make me feel any better. I would go to counseling but he probably wouldn't. He doesn't like to talk about feelings much anymore.