Very Much So.....

I write about this a lot in my stories but my personality is to blame. I am kind, thoughtful, sensitive and get described as sweet. I am also quite shy and not good at standing up for myself.
Lately, my 18 year old sister attempted suicide. My parents are in absolute denial over it and so it has basically been left to me. I have to listen to her talk about how suicidal she is and try and encourage her to see a doctor and it is damn hard. All my parents do is cry, shout and deny there is a problem. They KNOW they have left it to me to handle and take for granted my strength and care.
I have always looked out for others and have often been described as being maternal and gentle. I support others, care for them, listen to them,all when I am going through my own turmoils. Yet I find that when I reach out of help, nobody wants to know.
I often feel very alone and resentful. Like my resources are running completely low almost. I give my all to the people I care for and to my work with children but somehow I have ended up single and with no friends and support. I am a good person I know this but I also know my personality doesn't work in the real world. I have no doubt that if I were a harder, less sensitive and caring person then I wouldn't be in this situation right now. It seems too much to ask that someone could care about and respect me for the person I really am. How very hurtful this is.
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26-30
May 7, 2012