I'm Just One Person, How Many Can I Become?

First I am a daughter, and really I try very hard to be a good one.

Second I'm a sister, but I feel as though I'm walking on egg shells everytime I have contact with mine.  She always seems so sensitive.  I make an observation, or raise a point, and she makes me feel as though I'm picking on her.

Did I say I was a daughter?

Ever since my mother died I have been looking after my father.  My sister also looks after him, but he seems to spend more time with me.  As soon as my mother died, she had been ill for eight years, my father had a replacement knee surgery which crippled him because of infections, he had the surgery twice.  Since then he has become totally dependent.  He is always in his wheelchair, and complains about using his crutches, it is too painful for him.  I'm not him, so I assume that is the case.  It does mean that I have to work a lot harder to look after him.  Don't get me wrong, he is my father, so I accept the responsibility, but love seems to have become more of a duty.  I don't do everything for him, he dresses himself and with an adapted bath, and carer coming in, his hygene is taken care of.  It is only when he accidently soils that I have to put in the extra care.

I am a mother, I have children , who I feel I am not giving the attention I should.  One of my children is special needs.  I feel so guilty that I cannot give him the time he obviously needs.  With my children I am blessed they expect of me no more then other children expect from a parent, but how I wish there were more of me.

I am a wife.

I try to spend as much time with my husband as possible, but he is busy with his own business, and commutes a long way to be with the family every night.  He had a bypass operation nearly two years ago.  Having gone through the process of nearly loving him, I do realise that I do need to be with him.

Sometimes though, when I look around and this is without everything that goes on outside, the realms of my family unit ... I long to shout and rail at the powers above, why me..?

But I know I am fortunate then most.  I am blessed with everything from a home to a loving family.  But if ther are others like me, know you are not alone in the great sighing thought "If only there was more of me to go around"

aluren aluren
51-55, F
1 Response Feb 26, 2009

It depends on the all the ranges of relationships you have...Hugs, LW