I Liked Him. I Got Over Him. He Loves Me. He Can't Move On, And It Kills Me.

One of my best friends is in love with me.
The worst thing is, I know it. He knows I know, and it kills me.

I did nothing to warrant such devoted love.
Even though he himself won't tell me, he has told my other best friend, who, in turn, told me. She was the one that helped me figure it out; I had no clue.
He told her, 'You know how there will always be that one person you're always in love with? You'll always be in love with, no matter how hard you try? Yeah, well ***** is that person for me."
It made me cry.

I hate this. I would seriously not wish this upon my worst enemy; to see the pain I cause him everyday, even though he pretends its fine.
It also makes me angry.. He's kept it from me for nearly two years, and hasn't mentioned a thing.. And then, I think back to every friendly thing I've done, everything that he could've misinterpreted.. And I hate myself.
I used to tell myself, as a child, that I wanted a boyfriend who would love me like that, tell my friends all these amazing things about me [even if they weren't what I thought were true] and generally be devoted to me.
I got that. I just, don't love him like a boyfriend.
I don't love him as anything other than my best, best friend.. platonic.
Once upon a time, when we first met, when we were 13 or so.. I DID have a crush on him. But, he had a "girlfriend". turned me down, and I moved on. 

I'm sorry if I don't make any sense..  But I hate this.

The worst thing, though, was about 6 months ago, I met my current boyfriend.. This was before I knew my best friend's feelings for me..
When I met *** , I was so happy, all the time.
I am now, too, when I think about him.
I love him.
I can only imagine what it would've been like for my best friend.. I KNOW I am nothing special whatsoever, and I can't understand WHY he loves me like he does.. I wouldn't.
I certainly wouldn't.
But, I can imagine how hurt I would feel if I was him.

I just want him to know that, I DO love him... Just.. not like that.

jupiterisdead jupiterisdead
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2010

mm; it sucks intensely.. Thanks for commenting and sharing, its nice to know I'm not alone. [: I'm sure if you talk to your other friends, you'll be able to suss out whether he's for real. [:

that is so sad i thnk one of my guy frnds loves me too not like he is serious about me bt doesnt kno wat reaction ill hav bt indirectly hes always hitting on me.i kinda like him bt he has alot of gf and i dont wanna get hurt