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The Awkward Silence

I'm ok with those that are close to me but anyone else and i'm like "erm......" and there's always awkward silences.

One time i had to phone my SIL, anyway after much prompting from hubby i called. Things weren't too bad at the start but i soon ran out of things to say to her....i made all the dumb comments like i usually do when i feel awkward but i was running out of them. Now i just have to mention that i don't invite her round my house because she has a child from hell (my dogs have better manners). Anyway after a silence that lasted sooo long i thought she'd hung up i just blurted out "why don't you come round our house for coffee...oh and bring the little one, it would be so nice to see her". Unfortunately she agreed. As soon as i got off the phone i slapped myself. The nerves get me everytime, i open my mouth then regret it. I now stick to texting her.

Evernight Evernight 31-35, F 19 Responses Dec 22, 2009

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Don't feel bad, I am like that all the time. It's like every time I go to answer the phone if it's my boss or a friend that doesn't usually call me, I always fix my hair for some reason, cough to make sure no weird sounds make their way out. Then the entire conversation I don't know what to say so I try to get off the phone ASAP. It's the worst with my boss, especially since I'm sort of scared of him. So, don't worry, you're not the only one!

If I caught you talking **** to my kids like that, id bust yo head in with a lead pipe mutherfucker!

I think I know what the problem is as I have similar issues....



And I find the reason is that I just can't stand small talk...



And when you bite the bullet and decide that you are going to say every lame and superficial cliched thing under the sun, wiz bang all of a sudden the conversation starts taking off....



But you have to ACT.... if you be yourself it will never work.... who wants to say inane crap to people you don't give a crap about...well if you want to converse.... start practicing you inane jabber...

That's why you set a trap for the kid, like spikes in a pit or something. Hahaha!

I agree dv, i get self conscious when i talk to my family.......maybe it's because none of us are close. I'm only close to my brother, who i love with all my heart, but i still occasionally worry if i'm coming across as being stupid when i talk to him. I think it's because my parents always use to call me stupid and useless when i was growing up.

Thanks for the comment Enigma. It wouldn't be right if we were all the same, and i get the comments too!

Being an introvert, I always have problems with so-called 'small talk'. I just don't understand it!



Sometimes, albeit rarely, I can talk fine with others. Maybe 3 times a year. I'll tell you, it is frustrating. And I absolutely hate it when people ask me "Why are you so quiet? It's creepy me out!'". It's simple: it is what I am! I'm an introvert, and I will not change that. I hope I develop social skills, so I can have a more out-going lifestyle, but I am what I am no matter what, and IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM WILL I EVERY CONFORM TO WHAT OTHERS WANT!



Plus, check out the meaning of "Enigma". Enigma = me. Outside my circle (not the EP circle), people will not understand me. It is who and what I am.

LOL I know what you're talking about. I, too have bad conversational skills and end up saying stuff I really shouldn't have said. It's bad.

Well the SIL thinks that a child only learns to share when it's about 3yro. She lets the girl run around our local park naked! She see's things somewhat differently than most people.

You mean another child. I only hope the silaw learns how to set boundaries on this child unlike the other one who we only hope doesn't grow up to be an adult from hell. A few children turn around as adults but in my experience most don't.

Thanks montarlot, the SIL has since had another! (and to be honest he is sweet but then again all he does is eat, sleep and poop!)

Perhaps you simply have nothing at all in common with the s in law as I don't with eiher my sister of brother and have nothing to say to them either. It sounds like her child is what we may term a 'brat' which is probably because it is spoiled and usually an only child. If you don't like her you it stands to reason you wouldn't care for her offspring, like father like son, like mother like daughter. In that case you may feel like slapping the parents for lack of upbringlng as well as the child, but then you can't. Sooo the best solution is to avoid them and not to listen to your husband the next time about the prompting. Never do something your instincts tell you not to do otherwise you'll regret it.

Thanks dc i'll do that next time. I think the dogs will be throwing something up alot in the future lol!

Try not to place blame on yourself for being awkward... it's no one's "fault" when there's silence. I wonder if that might have been why you offered something you REALLY didn't want to offer. Next time, talk about something you've got to go do, someplace you need to get to on time, or there is always "oh my god my dog just threw something up, I've gotta go." You don't have to raise the white flag when you can't offer clever and charming conversation-- just end it. "It was nice talking to you" is a sure conversation finisher, and polite! Ask for her to call you again, or write a letter, or something.... but if you can't stand her presence, make sure you don't invite her over again! (lol/very sorry for that..... it is not a laughing matter.)



lots of luck in future phonecalls!

Thanks Autumn57, the child- rearing book sounds good! the child has been set no boundries! When they came round the demon child starting throwing toys at my dogs!! I was not a happy bunny let me tell you, i could quite gladly of throttled the little teasure!

When I have to make a call I know will be difficult, I jot down a few things ahead of time --- so I have it in front of me in case I get "stuck". The conversation may just "flow" because you have the security of your "notes" in front of you... if not, you can fall back on them. After a few conversations, you can continue where you "left off" and things won't be so bad once you have a history with someone. Maybe after you get to know them, their kids won't seem so bad... or, you can recommend a child-rearing book (LOL!).

Maybe an angel on your shoulder told you to do it? Or maybe it was the devil on your shoulder? Anyway, I know how you feel, on the phone I am always awkward. Sometimes I talk right over what the other person is saying, but usually I just stammer.

Lol

I never invite people to my house,proberly because all my friend are in other countrys or hundreds of miles away, so actual contact wouldnt happen.



Kind Reagards

King Fluffs

LOL Oh dear !!!



I know what you mean though ,I get that way with the Mother In-Law...Good thing she's a chatter box...or else the silence WILL be deafening lol...