I Battle MyselfWell nearing my 19th year alive in a few months from now,sadly to say,time is moving faster.Nevertheless my postion in life....is one that I feel like lying under the bedsheets allday to w/ only the sound of the television.To keep it all simple,highschool changed my life,I made the wrong choices that hopefully wont impact forever but for now it dented me like a t-bone collision at an intersection.All threw out school I never had any friends I was and am I loner.In highschool I hung w/ those who did what I did,I did drugs and drank,I used things I never thought (triplce c's,Xscasty,Weed,and just drinking,cigs),I would also skipped 95% of my highschool years doing this.Long summary of this I started about a month into highschool and didnt make any good new friends and was to preoccuipped w/ having new ones who we did fun things together w/(getting high)that I didnt care.Now fastforward about 2 years..... I should have paid more attention then I got into legal troubles,I had been working at Mc.Donald's since 9th grade so the money I would get started spending towards that as well and food haha when I got hungry.I skipped alot of classes daily now that I look back it was maily b/c I didn't fit in period,even if I had tried and looking back i see why.I looked a hot mess w/ this obession of growing my cornrows(briads back out) which only stayed in the afro stage.Along w/ my self-esstem and confindence I let go out of my own hands I'd cut it off and on,then want to grow it back w/ in 3 months prior......These are real issues I had and it botheres me that this is in my timeline life film in my head.These are my memories blah :P appitizing for me.Anywho,I was a scoail outcast and socially awkaraed at that.Also picky when it comes down to women,I had lots of lucky but never to the luck if you know what I mean.Or I think now looking back picky and shy I dont know but know its just shy/not knowing what to do socially or how to act or what to say no stories to tell.
THANKS FOR READING IT IS LENGTHY BUT I LOVE BEING HEARD OUT!=)
Blah let me skip forward legal issues probation officer....alternative school to get my grades up......passed highschool test....got my diploma which was expected but I barley made it out at my lowest piont I see.How I am socially is even worse when working on jobs.Currently I'm unemployed,since 9th to now I've held 6 jobs.None of which I feel comfortable at never at ease or felt able to be myself and not seemed on edge or werid socially,and like I have no life outside of work.I pray now that I've stopped w/ drugs and drinking that my mind will seize from that fr
I wont go boost myself but I am no idiot by far,I jsut havent studied or applied my self in school.I have alot of missing section of math and subjects that I need and study habits in general.As some of you on here may know I will be going to JOB CORPS in mid January I have good thoughts and scary/nerve reacking realizations,I'd love to fit in do my work,study,and TRY to have a good time there.Cause I hear its a bad place for those w/out a GED or H.S. diploma also you can get a trade while living there its all free in the USA.Heres the web site check it out please to get what I'm talking about..>>>>>.....http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx.....<<<.But yes I guess no confindence and low self esstem and not getting over my place in life and the mean things I've dont to others kids when I was younger to fit in.By how I acted I say I deserve this if I were to tell the whole world.But I'm not like that,why not take the world by force rather than have the world on you thats what I thought.Till the older I got I couldnt keep that charde up I wasnt tough enough for it luckliy.But now not onyl am I not I got weaker from it all and whats worst is that everything on the inside shows threw my as I can tell whenever I walk or go somewhere in public.My walk my face everything whats in my head bothers me and shows threw I hate it.But I cant wait for the rapture I cant wait until Jesus comes back I know that sounds so....depressing but haha it true it is true I cant wait to go to heaven I'm hope I'm worthy to go.I'd love to have fun and be happy before I leave but I dont care where the hevaen button already.In the men time be w/ me at JOB CORPS.