Outcast

I am going to sound terrible in this story. Just a warning. Me and my friends consist of a group of 5 girls. So, 4 of us are all very alike. All wanted by guys, seductive, sexy, and someone have the same stype, bodies, and hobbies. Then there is the other one, she is short and looks so young, it;s quite rediculous actually. When we became friends with her, she was great! Always having fun and she's also very generous...which is something we really liked (i sound horrid). But now, she acts like a child. She is constantly complaining and getting in "bad moods" which ruins all of our day. You say one thing and she gives you the silent treatment or is really rude. Honestly, she isn't even fun to have around and basically a buzz kill to be honest. Recently, for our own sake, we haven't really been including her in our plans because of her mood swings and bitching. I care a lot about my friends feelings, but for some reason, I can't feel bad for her only because she is a push over and lets anyone do whatever they want. She can never stand her ground, which is not a very good quality to have. But last night she called one of us crying and said she was thinking about suicide and that she's depressed. Also, her parents put her in therapy becasue shes always crying...Im terrified right now. I feel horrible. But it's even worse that this has to happen for our attention. I am a true friend, don't get me wrong..but I can't tell if she is my friend becasue I don't treat her like one. Now, i'm sitting here so confused as to what to do. I want to help her because suicide is so serious and im so scared...
xxDreamerXx88 xxDreamerXx88
18-21, F
1 Response May 11, 2012

Everybody has different needs. I think that being a friend means recognizing what the other person needs and prioritizing that because of your feelings about the person. Friendship is probably the purest form of love after parenthood.<br />
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Then again, you can't make a person change. Depression is a complicated and difficult thing to deal with. Especially in someone else. Having had depressive moments, I think I understand it a little. It's a cycle that's hard to break. You're sad and you feel sad because you can't stop being sad so get sadder and sadder and sadder until the sadness just turns into either emptiness or it consumes you. It's hard to appreciate anybody or recognize what others do for you because nothing seems to help and you don't feel any emotional responses and the just makes you sadder because you know you should feel happy. So trying to help can sometimes have the opposite effect.<br />
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If she is depressed, it's something that she will have to overcome as her own decision. She'll have to learn to change the way she thinks. But being her friend means supporting her throughout that process -- no matter what others may think.<br />
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Also, I would say that you should reevaluate those feelings about her behavior. Are those your feelings or are they "group feelings"? If they are coming from your group of friends then I think maybe you should try to show them how to change those feelings. If they are your own, and you want to change them, then you should focus on yourself. Feelings are wild horses. You can't feel bad because of what you feel. If you don't like it then there are ways to change them. But recognizing them and accepting that you feel that way is an important part of that process. You must embrace those feelings and let them be part of you. Acknowledge what you don't like about her. Honesty is probably THE most important ingredient in any friendship -- including to yourself. And you can only be honest to her when you are honest with yourself. After those feelings have lived their life in you, only then will you be able to move past them. It's not wrong to feel what you feel. Nobody likes to be around people who are moody, unpredictable, time-consuming, difficult. You probably don't feel like you got much out of being her friend. At least that's what it sounds like to me. I would feel that. But who knows in the future she may be happy and grateful if you sacrifice for her now. Someday, when she's learned how to overcome depression, she may actually be a fun, interesting, lovable person.<br />
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But don't feel bad if you feel lost in all of this. Like I said, depression is a complicated internal chemical problem in the person's brain. It is very hard to know how to deal with that. But whether you feel up to the struggle or if you decide to leave her to professional care and those who specialize in treatment for her, I wish you peace and happiness.