Can't Be Put Back Together

Blindsided yet again.....

talk, talk, talk til I'm blue in the one really gets it. I think everyone understands a different part of the  ' whole'   of what i am saying. so if they could all collectively get together and understand then id be all set. but now i no longer want to talk. I am broken. total exhaustion has set in, and settled there. what is there to say anymore? Its all been said. over and over. I am tired of trying to explain myself and my feelings. I am broken.

i feel almost paralyzed by this 'thing' that has taken over my life. it has a very strong hold on me and wont let go. i fight with it a lot but most days i just give in. today is one of those days.

things don't mean that much to me anymore. but i do have a ring that i don't ware because i am scared i will loose it. it has significant meaning to me. --i gave it away this morning, along with some advice and wishes. i know it will be well taken care of and cherished. it was hard but felt i had to do it today.

i am sitting outside while i write this. it is cloudy but nice. I am looking at the neglected dead flowers, the knots on the wood on the deck, and the over grown grass.i close my eyes and hope when i open them, i see something different. i don't . i can hear the wind blowing in the trees, splashing water in the pool and the neighbors dog barking. so i sit....contemplating. thinking, thinking. thinking things i shouldn't be. thinking too much now....again. I am broken.

hartleybroken hartleybroken
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 29, 2010

hmmmm.... this was in july......i am now again, back in this same place. <br />
- and the only people who truely understand what this is like, have gone through it themselves.......

well said.