I have struggled with writing this for a long time. I have started and loss my nerve several times. So here I go:

I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 7. I think it started when my mother would make me go days without eating as a punishment. Then when I was allowed to eat I would eat very slowly because I would get very sick if I didn't. This in turn would make her furious at me and I would get so nervous I couldn't eat. When I got older and became a teenager she began to torture me with the comments of "oh you are getting SO fat". I would be at that point a normal weight like 110lbs. I finally had enough of her and moved out and lived with my brother . After living with my brother for a year he forced me to go to counseling as I weighed 80lbs and was still convinced I was fat. I have struggled and still do every day. I quit counseling years ago and have started back a few weeks ago.
I have been broken inside for so long I just don't know if anything can help me with this now. I have to try and do the best I can because I want to live and have a happy life. To have someone's love and believe them when they tell me I look good. To be happy with myself and look in the mirror and know I look alright.
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1 Response May 13, 2012

I was gonna say, if that's really you in the picture, ho-ly crap. And keep up the counseling, please. A woman like you deserves to have a beautiful soul.