My mom has never really been the "motivational" person and even though I feel like I've done everything right (ie good grades, gone to college, want to be a vet), it will never be enough for her. Or for the rest of my family. My father died when I was young and my mom's boyfriend (that she waited only a year to pick up) abused me as a kid. It only happened once, but once was enough to make me emotionally numb the rest of my life. I only told my mom after she pissed me off one day about why I was so rude to her. And even then, she didn't believe me (because that's obviously something an 11 year old would want to make up). Then I meet a boyfriend that happens to be very controlling. He isn't a bad guy, he just is also very broken inside. I believe neither of us know how to function in a relationship. He is a guilt tripper over such things as hanging out with my friends instead of him, or "making" him do things (like go to the mall) and then get pissed at me for doing it. Most of my friends are fine and treat me well but once we all went off to school in different states, it was like my life was ripped out from under me completely unexpectedly. I just want good for myself and my heart to stop hurting. But I feel like (and probably always will) I can't do that without any real support system. I have my old friends still but it's different. And I live with my boyfriend so I am kind of stuck there. I love him, I do, but sometimes it is all I can take not to cry or explode with anger and him or his family for almost no reason at all other than it feels like they think I am functionally retarded. I'm very smart. I just don't get it. Sweet, I'm crying again.