Feb 10, 2001

I was nine years old and the youngest in my family. I have one older sister and I had four older brothers. It was my mom's birthday and we all went to her brothers house, my uncles, to have a get together to spend time with everyone and celebrate my moms birthday.. but this day turned into a day to remember the death of my brother. Because of my actions of being an idiot and playing around.. my brother was chasing me and i didn't look before i ran into the street. All i remember is seeing the headlights and my brother tayler yelling my name.. and he pushed me out of the way. My family was screaming in horror and i sat there holding my brother saying im sorry im sorry and that i love him so much and that i didnt want him to die he said i love you to me and that was that.. the last thing. I ruined my moms birthday for life.. i ruined my family.. ever since then I've been broken on the inside. I killed my own brother by my stupid actions.. i carry a smile on my face and not too many people know about what happened because we moved and even my bestfriend doesn't know because i cant deal with the guilt and that it should have been me not my brother he was 17 and had a lot more going for him than I did but i ruined it all. 

4strength 4strength
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 2, 2010

No 4strength you were a child , children play and even as adults sometimes we don't think of there being danger in what we think is harmless play. If you did not have professional help I would ask that you seek counseling or a support group if you have a church talk to your pastor please reach out for help your brother loved you and you loved him and I will ask you one thing to think on if it had been your brother that ran out in the street and you pushed him out of the way and you died and your brother was feeling like this and you could come back just to tell him about how he was feeling what would you say to him. I will hold you in my prayers. goahead