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I'm Visiting My Parents...

I just arrived today- I only see my parents 4 different occasions a year since moving away to college a few years ago. I talk to them almost daily on the phone, but I find myself stressed out and depressed when I'm here in my home town. Maybe it is the realization that every time I see them aging more. Maybe it is memories up to high school are associated with EVERYTHING within sight around the area... and the realization that all those memories are slipping more into the past... quicker than I could have imagined. I try to get together with old friends. Some don't even respond... do they even have my phone number logged in their phone anymore? A few do reply, but have busy schedules. If I get a chance to see someone... it is usually the "same old... same old" story. I want to be happy when I see my parents instead of being a confused mess whenever I'm here. It's dreary, over cast, and cold here... traveling earlier today from a warm Spring day full of new life.

If my parents didn't live here and my friends visited me where I reside down state... I would probably not come back to my home town for a very long time... if ever. Nothing traumatic ever happened here, but I feel as though this town needs to be left in my past and stay there.
hardware hardware 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 12, 2011

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I just arrived home for spring break a couple days ago. I swear my little half sister (12) is at least two inches taller (she's a solid 5'4) since I last saw her (Christmas), and less the little girl I remember her as every time I see her, now on the precipice of turning into a teenager.<br />
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I "left" home at 15 (now 20 in 6 days) for a boarding school (split the summers off between parents to some extent or another, they're divorced), so I don't really know anyone aside from family at home (The only people around were those I went to school with freshman year of high school, and I wasn't very close with them.), no memories to be reminded of, but at the same time, with most of the people I knew in boarding school, we departed from each others' lives the second the graduation ceremony ended. It's odd, being a virtual stranger in your own "hometown", not much to do. <br />
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My parents aren't that old (early 40s), and we get along for the most part (still can't really speak to my stepfather, though there's peace between us), but my childhood was rather contentious, stuck under fire in their war (the ghost of which never seems to depart, as the conflict/jealousy between them never really ends, 15 years past and counting) and my mother's random fits of wrath. I love my mom, but her home can be oppressive, and I find myself hiding out in the ba<x>sement, venturing upstairs as rarely as possible, especially when my stepfather's home. My dad's cool, but his drinking gets worse as time goes on, and for the last couple years visits with him have been a roll of the dice, which dad am I going to get tonight? That, and visiting him offends my mother, so that has to be danced around delicately. Thank heavens my grandparents (close to mom) are still doing well, I can always hang out with them.<br />
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I appreciate the opportunity to have a break and be home, but "home" can be awkward, I feel rather out of place at my mother's, and my father can be rather elusive, living in one state and working in another.