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Back to Been Mentaly Stuck

The issue I seem to struggle with constantly and no into several years; and getting more difficult as I become a young adult, is ever so involved in every decition and action I do. Around February I met a young girl my age(20) that provided my mind an optional idea to think about. Few weeks into talking we reached a point when we kissed and after so complicated moments we got together more frequently to be close. During the summer I made a national trip to san francisco and an international one to Colombia. While in both my mind had her on top of most my thoughts everyday. 

Although I have a lot of inquiries about my relationship with this girl, my intentions in writing was to declare my issue within myself. 

When I came back things between us seemed stable yet a bit far appart, most probably because we did not get together as often as before. My mind seemed to continue and keep her as my focus. Then the day after I began college the mental insecurities and confusion that clouded me mind before i met this girl came back for me to deal with and to solve again.

At some point I thought that chosing to think about the girl so much worked as a distraction to the issue that has been present for so long. 

Reading the above I ask: what then IS this issue I been shadowing, express it in words so to take one step away for the confusion and mistery.

Well, honestly I have not found any one word to describe or few word to define it. 

Over time, and at certain moment I've come to realize ideas about who I am that may be truths to the reason for this happening to me. I am a strange gentleman with respect to many ideas and how I chose to behave in a crowd or with one individual. The thoughts that bombard my head are ones that have no support and seem to only confuse me and distract me more from what I wish to be doing. My actions contradict what is in my head, and even there I struggle to make sence of what to think. So many things in my life have been affected do to the trouble I experience everyday inside my head. Nonetheless I continue to believe that I am the only source capable of finding and replacing a missing screw successfully.

ariguz ariguz 22-25, M Aug 26, 2009

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