I Am Confused With My Life
I dont know what has been happening to me lately. when i was in highschool i thought i had my whole life thoughtout and now it is like i made a mistake with my choice. i have decided to go to an art school to become a special effects artist and i was so settled on the thought i like art and i like computers and it interests me a lot. before i left highschool i started to get confused with my life. someone asked me if this was my dream? if this was what i dreamt about since i was a child? the truth is it was not my dream since i was child it was simply something i liked to read about and know.
what i really like to do is sing and i dreamt about it since i was a child and when i started mentioning it to my parents years ago that i wanted to sing they told me it was not a career choice that it leads to nothing. they made sure to keep me away from thinking of singing for a living. they didnt care if i sang around the house or anywhere as long as i didnt make it a life choice. i asked for singing lessons when i was young like 13 years old and i was denied them because supposively there was no money but than i found out they paid for my brother to be in little league baseball. i thought myself to move away from the thought and told myself it was too late for me to do anything about singing. i started singing bad to forget about the idea.
i learned that as much as you want your dream to go away it will catch up to you in the long run. now that my dream is back i have been trying to improve my singing and taking out my out lyrics and its been frustrating because i dont sound the same as before. i go to college for special effects and it is my first year so it is a lot of work and tiring. the singiing has been put off till vacation times but i still practice.
thing now is my mother says i cant sing that i sound off a lot and i am started to believe her again. everyone looks at me weird when i say i want to sing and make it big one day.
i got into my school like a miracle. i cannot draw like those people at my school. they are soo much better than i am. i am always scared to what the new examines are going to be and i am always embarrased to show my work. everyone there seems to want that so much and i really like what i am doing it is fun and interesting but im confused if i should stay focused on this or singing? should i try to make someting of myself?
my grandmother sees how good i am at drawing fashion and thinks i should go into fashion and my family agrees. my father just wants me to do something with college. my cousin wants me to write lyrics or a book. i dont know what to do with my life i just want to be happy for once and not filled with so much anxiety and stress. it is not fun being confused. what should i do???