Now. First time in a long time, it expanded out before me far beyond anything I've ever felt before.

In the past, I have seen the stars in my head. I have seen expansion vast and rapid. I have seen blackness. Then it stops. Abruptly usually, with a distraction or such.

I've thought about it a lot since the last time that happened, and I prepared myself to accept it, to not be afraid, to embrace it.

For years I have waited for this to come again. Tonight a Mexican girl mentioning insomnia, watching Caramel, helping my fiance who we have recently been fighting/had difficulties, all condensed into one moment at the end of the film.

I saw the stars vividly in my head, like from our garden where you can see the milky way with the naked eye - but SO much clearer and more vivid. From there I felt my way along the Milky Way. From there, I realised there was more to explore in the darkness around that narrow *****. I moved around, and I felt that it was possible to explore. I was distracted momentarily as the 2 others got up to leave the room. I switched off the laptop and put the DVD away. Before that, I realised I was sat in more or less that 'basket'-style position, cross-legged on the sofa, hands together. I could not recreate that position, I fell into it naturally. But my mind was still there, exploring. My mind is still there, connected.

It's a couple of hours later than I've been normally awake for a long while. Perhaps that has something to do with it.

I feel excited, but not overly so. It gives me a sense of happiness. A sense of home.

If anyone out there relates to any of this, I would be grateful if they would leave a comment, or write it here too in your own story. Learning about this would fill my soul, I think.

cloudsoflife cloudsoflife
31-35, M
Aug 22, 2014