I Feel Dead Inside

I feel dead inside, everyday I feel is just a repeat of the last I struggle to get myself up and stop myself from cryin; I just want to kill myself because I can't cope with feeling so worthless and that life is so demeaning. I just want to be happy and I should be. That's why I wanted to go to the doctors, but I'm too scared to. My boyfriend's lovely so I don't see why I'm not happy but I only see him twice a week so he can't help me, and I can't help but feel empty and alone. I feel I have lost my friend as she went to a different sixth form and she's happy and pretty and making loads of friends. It's like she's forgotten about me, forgotten to ask how I am. Like she doesn't care. I've felt like this for other a year anyway, I tried cutting myself and I'm scared because I don't want to die I just want to be happy.