The past few years have been really rough for me. For years, I've walked around, feeling numb and isolated. I started therapy a few years and it's as if the flood gate of emotions has been opened. More often than not, I feel all the unpleasant emotions. Anger, rage, resentment, sadness, deep despair and hopelessness. At times, I'll go numb. I'll sob uncontrollably (which does help), feel better for a bit, but then return to a "baseline" level of general malaise. I'm here, but not here. I'm meditating, journaling, exercising, everything I can think of. I try to connect with others, but often times, I feel awkward and unable to connect. I moved away from the city I love (which has probably contributed to my unhappiness) and find myself having difficulty establishing myself. I have been more proactive in seeking out connections, but it's a constant struggle and I'm always forcing myself to go. At times, I tell myself things will get better, but after so long, I have to wonder; does it ever, really, truly get better? Or will I be relegated to a dull existence, meandering through, until I finally wither away and die. The weather lately has been absolutely gorgeous, but I just haven't been able to enjoy the sunshine. I want to enjoy the sunny days.
tffan839 tffan839
31-35, M
Aug 20, 2014