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No Connection

  Its not so much that I feel dead inside, as I feel as though I should be dead, not that Im suicidal, or that I want to die, but as though my existence is a mistake. 

  Going through life, never having a connection with people, never touching someones life, or having someone touch your life.  feeling as though you are nothing more then a random act that crossed thier paths. 

  I have had friendships, relationships, yet nothing lasting, nothing with connection, nothing with meaning.  how do you go through life and never connect with a person unless you just arent real. 

   There is an emptiness inside that makes me not real, that makes me nothing more then a passing moment in the lives of those I meet,

MoonShade MoonShade 36-40 6 Responses Jul 12, 2009

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i relate to this. i just feel like i can't connect to anyone. i feel alone and empty. and i am losing my connection to the world. i am breaking down. i don't know what to do. i feel so ****** up and empty, like nothing touches me.

Today is the worst. I am so tired of existence for failure and heartache in such supernatural ways even. At this point I couldn't keep friends if I wanted to. I'm a natural giver so they think I give things to them tobuy them and they use me. WHen they are done, they leave and say NOTHING GOOD ABOUT ME. ZERO. I have even asked if they remember and I'm stillin schock. All my life same situation different people. The common denominator is me so what did I do? Give to the wrong folks until my cup is empty and I have nothing left? I am existing is all. Every time I try at something I fail. People are jealous of me instantly and I don't get it. I've always been an outsider with a lof of people drama and I have tried suicide three times but the lsat time I died and it really scared me. I wouldn't put my family through that again but I want to go tsleep and not wake up. If just one person from my past would say "Thanks Angie. You were there with me when nobody was." Instead the things I have heard about myself are not only lies but disgusting ones. I am struggling with forgiveness. I have so much to forgive and it feels like it would take too long to be normal. At 45 I feel 've lived enough. Doe anyone now onf one of those doctors and give you meds to takeyou out of physical pain. I'm tired of being the shrink guiniea pig with the grugs and all the side effects. I'm tired of accepting people as they are but they do not offer me the same. I'm at the end with no drive and no desire. I have AVN inboth hips and need surgery so I'm walking around ike the hunch back of notre dame. If this is what linteded fo rme I want to get off NOW.

I am new to the forum, I can relate so so much to the feeling of deadness, I have seen a psychologist who I found no help. With me, my deadness is because of a toxic relationship.

We got married and his comments about me were so negative, foolishly I took the mental abuse.



We did divorce, but he's still in my life, every day is an existance, I can't understand how people get so motivated about everyday things.



Sorry if rambling, but my concentration isn't good.

Please contact me if anyone wishes.

I feel the same-but I may have an answer (of sorts) I believe the world in which we live is a matrix of sorts-(based on some pretty hard facts-see ("responding to destiny" in google) some people for whatever reason become 'disconnected from the real world' and nothing seems to offer enjoyment or happiness-It manifests itself as depression or feelings of suicide (or at least not wanting to carry on here in this world). But the people in the matrix are actually the ones in the prison-not us. The ones getting married/children/shopping/sitting in restaurants/counting their money they are all matrix based activities.We are standing in the matrix but apart from it. All the the people in the matrix can tell us to connect and enjoy -because that's the only way to survive in the matrix.-I believe there is a universal reason for people to disconnect-I believe we have been chosen to disconnect-what I'm trying to do now is understand the reason why-which I think is going to be a biggy. Please visit my site while I work out what it is. -Some people who have been chosen be multidimensional beings feel isolated for a number of years before contact is made. I know it sounds off the wall-but it may be the answer.

i really like your answer and how you perceive the situation (matrix etc) :-)

Would you mind giving me your website address as per your post? thank you!

You have described this feeling accurately! I related to it so well. I have felt simarlarly for a long time now, and it seems to worsen. However, I must say I feel like a misplaced corpse who cannot find my final resting place. Does that make any sense? Lately, it has been so hard for me to spend more than five minutes in one location. I become angry because life seems to be dragging its feet for me. I feel like I never should have been: I feel more unreal everyday. Some might believe I am suicidal, and I have given it thought. But isn't that natural to think of it from time to time? I just feel like I do not belong here, and someone or something has made a serious mistake. I grow tired of waiting for my existence to cease and wonder when the mistake will be realized. Oddly, I keep my feelings and thoughts to myself mostly because I am afraid that if I tell someone, they will try to help me. I do not want help: I just want to cease.

I understand how you feel. I feel like I am going through the motions. Not quite real, but imagined. But what can I do? I have to get interested in something. Make it my business to live one day at a time. Try and find meaning out of the day. Instead of feeling like everyday is a waste of time. Caught between the reality of nothingness. Where is the reason. Where is meaning where is the point?