The word 'dead' is strong. It represents the final passing of anything living, anything alive, even the ashes which once held life are now passed beyond the living. They are dead.

And that is how it is. This understanding has taught me so much. It's when you reflect on memories and contrast them to the present, realising that you are sat comparing yourself to what you once had... that is the moment when you turn cold.

It's when you think. You're thinking deep at 4 in the morning with little reason - when you feel like you could sleep, could go get a drink of water, another blanket, hot drinks, a movie, go out for a run - but you sit and think for seemingly no reason at all.

But the worst by far is when you actually look inside yourself. When you can't see why your heart beats, why you feel cold, why you mind ticks. It's hollow. Like you have become a shell. The world around you echos from each empty corner - those voices can't find a nerve. And you forget what it is like to feel.

The nerves are dead. Whatever life you had has wasted away to nothingness, all that is left is a shell filled with clockwork. Machines have no life, machines are dead.

That is why 'dead' is a strong word.

SkinOfTheNight SkinOfTheNight
2 Responses Aug 4, 2009

That's actually exactly how I feel. I'm not sad nor am I happy. I feel dead. I feel hollow, like what was once there is no longer there.