I Feel Like I Am All Alone

I am feeling terribly depressed today.  I had a very vivid dream that my husband was cheating on me, and I fear he is with someone that he says "is just a friend" and has even said "she is like a sister".  I am not a fool like he thinks I am.  It just seems like in the past month that I have been lied to more than I have been told the truth about anything. 
Sweetp Sweetp
41-45, F
3 Responses Apr 11, 2007

Hello, from another depressed person. I am sorry about your bad feelings, but keep in mind that dreams are most often about the polar opposite of events that have or will happen in real life. Cheating spouses in dreams are often said to be about unexpressed frustrations you have about your own sexuality, and are also often linked to unresolved issues regarding your father.<br />
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Are there any real life clues suggesting he is cheating? Does he get phone calls that cause him to change moods, or does he hide when on the phone sometimes? Call hangups when you answer? Strange numbers showing up repeatedly on phone bills? Money spent inexplicably for flowers or better restaurants? New clothes in a different more modern style?<br />
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If you feel that real life clues point to infidelity, you need to get concrete data and then act. Check that phone record, check the debit card activity, check the email account if possible. If he is late to come home, just approach him with love and relief, a big smile and sweet hug, and use that opportunity to SNIFF HIM OUT REALLY WELL! You can smell sex on another person, and sometimes it smells like SOAP becuase they have showered to conceal these scents. The smell can be left in their clothes, too, so I would check there using smell as well the obvious checking of pockets and such. Either way, look for concrete evidence of infidelity before acting.<br />
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My #1 point would be to remember, THIS WAS ONLY A DREAM, and dreams are usually not based on reality. Suspicion when none is warranted can destroy a relationship, so tread carefully here if you want the relationship to work. <br />
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And if you begin to find evidence confirming your suspicions, try to keep cool. Collect any and all data you can to prove your allegations, as they can be influential in divorce proceedings, and can help determine spousal support in some cases. And once you have enough information to catch him in the act, by all means, DO! Yes, it was awesome when I finally found out for certain that my sig other of 6 years WAS indeed cheating on me with his ex. When he came over to my house for our planned dinner that night, I served it to him from the front porch, onto the windsheild of his precious car. Prime rib? WHAM, in your face. Baked potato, w/ or without sour cream? Windshiel wipers aren't gonna get that off! He kept trying to stick his head out the door to "explain" but as long as there was food left, I kept serving it with a smile. Later, he admitted it was my smile that haunted him most once he thought things through.<br />
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I have moved on, married a man who had been cheated on too, and we are pretty clear on one thing. If you can't stay in the relationship, fine, but under no circumstances will either tolerate infidelity. Cheat and the cheater forfeits all. Period. We have a son and he goes with the "winner" so the stakes are high.<br />
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I hope you will find some peace of mind very soon, and remember most importantly, it was a DREAM....

It's all about subtle signs. If he's staying out later, working "late," gets sort of agitated or ancy when you ask him about stuff like where he's been, if he's changing his habits ie: grooming himself more, using a different cologne, heading right to the shower when he gets home. Keep an eye on him.

HA! I just spent 45 minutes w/my shrink over the same thing (not the cheating part)! I am *so* tired of being lied to and feeling like I am utterly alone. <br />
You have to spy on this husband of yours and find out what's really going on. Maybe he's telling the truth--just maybe. Are you mobile? Can you get around to see what is happening? If he is cheating, are you ready for the truth? If not, don't do anything. His excuses sound kinda lame. <br />
It all sucks sometimes, doesn't it?