My Reality Isn't Quite Their Reality

I live in my head way too much. As a ridiculously obsessive writer, I find that my reality and life is influenced by what I imagine and write when really it should have no effect on it. I know what I write is fiction, but I think WAY too much. I know that sounds impossible, but I end up with un-realistically high expectations and a boredom with reality. I find some things hard to deal with and I can't accept them so I just pretend otherwise.

Connecting with people is really hard as I don't seem to see what they see. They see their lifetime here as something spontaneous to be enjoyed and taken for granted where as I just see myself as something unimportant and insignificant. My life is going no where- as is everyone else's- so I retreat into my imaginary world. I wish I could be content with the world everyone else lives in, THEY seem to be happy. But I am not.

I feel completely drained and mentally exhausted atm. I need to learn how to live in the real world, at the moment I feel like I am going through the motions without really being there.

I am trying.

But my reality is easier to accept.

notquitesure notquitesure
5 Responses Feb 27, 2009

To notquitesure, i wrote a post about the same feelings, so your not alone..
you decribed my feelings to a "T" i completely understand where your coming from are we normal because we feel this way or do people see us as being crazy? These feelings are scarey i sometimes wonder if i have a split personality. I wonder why i feel like this. I too need to find out ans as to why i don't see the world as everybody else does. I seem to be living as you and it's very depressing nobody understands me when i try to describe the feelings i feel. very alone..hope oneday we will be able to feel real life not just go through the motions but to really feel like what i would say or see others feeling happiness, joy..Is there happiness and joy for real? who's
to say that were not normal and everybody else is. Hold on as i am and pray for ans..

I'm a writer too and I think that it's natural to want to escape into the world you create for yourself rather than to just live in reality. This does make it hard to relate. I feel like I can become obsessive. This can be a problem, but is it really so awful to disconnect a little? Idk...

I used to feel like that until I got sent to STAR which is like a military school it is amazing what a little PT can do

I can relate. I feel so disconnected from reality that I don't feel like I'm living in what is supposed to be reality at all. I spend way too much time studying what is REALLY going on in the world, which is sifting through what is legitimate information and what is disinformation. Some may call my a tin-hat wearing conspiracy theorist but I think there are sinister forces basically f**king with everybody's reality via media and chemical mind control. They have woven a web of indoctrination and conditioning, basically creating a matrix that disconnects our modern society with the rest of nature and the deeper meaning of it all.

I do know how you feel, but I don't see anything wrong with escaping into self-invented realms of fantasy as you wish. What's wrong with creative writing, it's only fiction after all? Don't be so hard on yourself - share some excerpts of your work now and then in your blogs. I do! And keep doing what brings you enjoyment.