Feeling Disconnected...

My fiance and I have been together for a little over three years. Everything has been great until recently. Between the constant small fights and the three large explosive fights we've had over the past few months, i feel there is irreparable damage to our relationship. For a long time i thought that if he changed the things i didn't like about him then i would be happy. And believe me the laundry list simply kept growing for a while.

Recently he has been growing in leaps and bounds trying to prove to me that he can change and that he loves me enough to change. he's stopped yelling when he gets upset and overly excited which is a big step towards us keeping our fights civil. I do appreciate the effort but at the same time i still feel pretty distant i had tried for the past couple of weeks between the constant fights to prepare myself for an inevitable end to my relationship but now as he's making the changes and trying desperately to get me to see this... i feel alone. I've built up walls and tried to protect myself as much as i could and now it's backfiring. I really think this is a case of 'it's not you it's me'.

I'm writing this because i need help. I don't know what to do and while things aren't always wonderful, several friends are advocating a break up just so i don't have to deal with the negative aspects of our relationship. I run damage control on a constant basis because it seems he doesn't care what people think of him or if people even remotely like him. he says whatever he feels without regard to otehrs feelings and does so even with our closest friends.

I'm depressed and not myself and trying so hard to hold it together. I just need some advice.

Thank you in advance.
ImpactBlasphemy ImpactBlasphemy
3 Responses Jul 25, 2010

this is similar to what I've been through except that mine didn't last for three years almost two instead, if you really want to keep it together you two are adults and pretty much old enough to have civil conversations with counselor. I wasn't engaged so it's not that tough for me but i would advise you to get professional help and if it still does not work and you're not genuinely happy get out before you make your life miserable. some times people change and they think its for their partner's benefit instead they change for the worst and crush the people who care for them blindly. At the end of it if your not happy get out because your happiness should be what matters the most in this lifetime with or without him.

Im no expert at this so it's just my opinion....my partner and i also have many fights about things due to the fact that we are in much the same situation I have given my all I have changed for him and he is still insensitive to my feelings and others at times(he is also doing the changing thing and its also made me kind of depro.Heres the big difference we are not engaged or planning to get married anywhere in the near future so we have plenty of time to figure out if we are going forward or backward. you guys are engaged and although its a commitment it shouldnt be taken as heavily as marrage seek out a counselor its better to get things straightened out befor the big day not afterwards.breaking up not just yet... if you haven't tried everything you haven't given it your all.and this is possibly the most important thing make your self happy if you lety his actions and words affect you and who you are you will be miserable all the time happiness comes from you and you alone.trust me I learned the hard way.

I guess there are no easy answers. you have to look at if the problems are just part of a "rough patch" ot something that wont change. also, something I find hard too, is realizing it´s impossible to get everything you want and need in a relationship. some of the love in your life needs to be self-love, and happiness needs to come from within and not be dependent on another person. <br />
is there a lot of love between you still?