The Barrier Between Me and the World
Separated, floating in suspension like i am an alien on planet earth, an alien in my family; i am truly the thing dropped off by fed X. i mean I've always heard the bible verse we are in the world but not of it, but I'm not sure this is the kind of detachment God meant. I have nothing in common with those that i love; some i can't even connect with on that deep emotional level. When bad things happen i often feel numb, feel nothing except the disquiet of no emotion, the disturbance of knowing i should feel something.
But the disconnect goes even deeper; I've had moments where i will wake up or look up from doing something and see where i am as if seeing it for the first time. It is in that moment i feel out of sync with my body and think is this really my life; is this really my reality? Sadly it always is, and the detachment goes on i can;t seem to connect with people I've never had a best friend in my daily life, never had someone i could tell my deepest, darkest secrets to, someone who i felt safe letting them hold me...
It's like i don't belong here born in the wrong decade the wrong era, sometimes i think the wrong planet; i feel like I'm meant to do all these things but the harder i try the more tangled i become in mediocrity. I'm too smart for some, too dumb for others, too ambitious, lofty for some, not dedicated enough for others. I'm too emotional for some too cold for others, not normal enough for some boring to others.
Always feeling lost; like i know myself, know my dreams but they don't fit in this world, they don't fit with any people or person. No matter what i say no one hears, no one gets it
Me the incredibly lonely and discounted body, mind, soul and emotions all out of sync with the world