There Yet Not There

I'm not really sure how to explain this one adequately.  I know lots of people at the place I work, dealing with the public daily and I try to be friendly anyway it simply happens.  Literally I have hundreds of what one might call acquaintances, people I work with or who work at various different places on the property and I get along pretty well with everyone.  So far as work is concerned I feel I am there to get my eight or twelve hours in and be out, I do not need to create drama as plenty just happens in the course of the day any way.  Conflict happens plenty throughout the day, I don't need to create enemies and generate more chaos so I do my best to deal with everyone even if I don't agree with them.   I have only a few I would think of as friends but thats pretty normal.  Mostly its just hello and maybe chat or joke for a few minutes if time allows, after several years with the people who do stick around (high turnover at some of the places) you get to know them fairly well. 

So, why the disconnect?  I've almost never felt any real sense of connection to anyone, either at work or in my personal life, the more I try the more it seems like I am rubbing salt in an open wound.  Its to the point where it feels like I'm missing a limb somewhere, a psychological bloody stump.  Its like there is a glass wall there, sights, sounds, smells, even touch when applicable crosses it but feeling does not.  Not sure if I'm describing it well, its almost impossible for me to put this into words.  I just feel disconnected, for lack of any other way to put it.

FranzJosef FranzJosef
26-30, M
6 Responses Nov 5, 2007

I feel like this from time to time in my life; it is normal for me as its been happening since i was a child. I recently decided to take a step back from "life" and not take things that are going on or people too seriously. Although some people might thing of this as a negative thing, it's actually helped me quite a bit to feel better. A lot of people in this world are toxic, and for more sensitive people, we want to stay away from them. There's nothing wrong with that, its just too bad that society has to judge when a person is slightly stand-offish. <br />
We are all human in this life whether we like it or not and we are here for a journey. Sometimes its not about the destination but the experiences you have getting there. If you put it out there, you will meet some people who you will connect with. <br />
Take care

I know how you feel with the glass in front of you and senses cross but no feeling. The stump I also understand. It doesn't hurt when I am on my own but when I think about connecting to others or I am with others and how I can't (apart from virtually) it hurts like a stump. SOMETHING SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE but it got lost. It makes me feel that a loving Nature does not exist. <br />
<br />
I feel like I was born without something human and connected. But you are functioning in the world, to some extent and sounds like you do a good job at work?

I know what you mean. The more you try, the worse you feel. Even when I'm around people...I just feel like I'm not really there.

I feel completely the opposite. It is as if I am the only human in a world full of androids with no soul let alone a heart that pumps blood. They have been programmed by lucifer or something and only respond to his command until reprogrammed by something higher.

oh, oh, oh, i completely understand. it is like, i am with friends, hanging out and then i take a step back and realize that i do not feel truly present in the moment. i have conversations and exchanges, but i always feel distant, like it is only a thin surface that actually is out in the world. no matter who i am with, it is the same.

I feel this way too: completely disconnected, like everyone else is normal and I am off in another world. I feel like I'm missing something, too, that everybody else has. I wish there was a magic scanner that could go over my body and tell me exactly where I am wrong.