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I Feel Nothing!

 

I feel nothing, EVER! No joy or happiness, not even sadness anymore just numb dismay and what is scaring me is that I like it! I like feeling nothing, no regret, remorse or sorrow...while in this state I feel as if I could do anything and feel nothing at all. A pure psychopath and yet that isn't really me because I know that I'm a nice person with a loving heart..but sometimes I'm just tired of feeling and I just shut everything off...I detach my mind from my body and I'm no longer apart of this world or my own life...I'm just looking in on it.

deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Oct 26, 2009

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I am like that i say a shrink and all he felt was fear that i was going to beat him to death the only thing i enjoy is pain of others some say i am ****** up but then again their jaw is broken

I feel nothing, been like this since childhood really, now I am 35 the self hate in me has become a monster and all I want out of life is to watch it all burn.

I feel nothing. Nothing inside, Nothing at all. I used to be so happy. I used to be creative and loving and giving and now I am nothing. How do I make it stop???

I'm trying to figure out the same thing, just hang in there :)

are you better?

Finally, I know I'm not the only out there that has gone/is going through this.



I've been like this for close to 5 years now. For those of you who are only a couple years or less in, I insist you get help now. Whether from a therapist/counselor/psych, go get it.

I'm personally far past the point of return. It does not get any better, and whatever it is that disconnects us from our emotions and ability to genuinely care only gets stronger.

I'm someone who feels very easily. I'm still just a kid, but there's this point in your life where it sort of feels like the child within you dies.

I used to be unintentionally blunt and honest, and I would speak so easily of what I saw I would offend mostly everyone. The problem wasn't that I was wrong - the problem was far too often I hit too close to home and people didn't like it, and I now have a good understanding of it.

I don't like it either too. I used to be so foolishly fearless, and I would somehow end up "inspiring" people, but now I honestly don't feel like I deserve anything. Nothing at all. I don't.

I mourn for the child who was kind and courageous, who did everything to protect her family from her father, now grown tired and fearful - where am I now?

I used to be so frank. Now this face is tired of the painted patterns of professionalism, and at heart the child is completely crushed by all the indifference she showed. Like I was fine. Like I didn't feel this impending guilt for not being able to do anything.

My mother didn't expect it at all. One day, I just broke down in tears and cried and my chest and head hurt so much it felt like I was going to break, literally - and then I tried picking myself up but I was so sad and tired and I got yelled and screeched at for not trying, and I would just be too tired to retort. The fire I used to protect those I found precious burnt me, and those I held too close raked their fingers down the cages of my lungs. Then the people around me grew hopeless. Exasperated. Happy. Hopeful. Angry. Impatient. Indignant. Arrogant. Angry.

And I tired my Mother way too much. She, in the end, showed too much kindness which I surely don't deserve.

I don't know what this is. At one moment I'm laughing at those South Korean variety shows and the next I'm crying at how I'm hurting everyone around me then my head becomes a mess and I feel nothing, nothing at all.

It's like this soundless black that worms its way into my ears until I hear nothing, nothing but the whispers of the television and the rapid flashing of these artificial colors - I don't feel a thing. And in the back of my mind, I'm terrified, terrified of everything and I don't dare utter a thing.

It's like you're floating in a sea, on the verge of drowning and the unending waves are humming gently with the wind, and you hear nothing but this comfortable swish of water and sky - it's almost like you could give in and sink - when you try to hear more, this piercing pain drills mercilessly at your heart, and even these words you write now feel void of emotion.

It's so hopeless, and I want to feel but I don't. I'm so tired.

its called depersonalization or depersonalization disorder, took me some time to find it... its a piece of a bittch condition, its like you died but somehow still alive, absolutely detached from your own emotions and thoughts, being overly aware of your self, awere that your not who you used to be....you just feel empty thers no thoughts in your head, as if your in a movie and you just need to respond neturaly to your soraundings, do what people expect you to do....kinda like disconected from the matrix,everything becames so hard like talking to people or smiling...my head used to be fool of thoughts and i was happy, i mean i did had my bad days but at least i felt something....than one day after an lsd trip i woke up absolutely empty headed, i though that it was a good thing couse i used to think way to much.....but it was just the begining of a nightmare.. its preety much forever =/
go out with friends, or find a hobby, it can help you....just dont stay alone at home...youl only sick deeper into it..

Sometimes, I think, very sensitive people get burned out, and our feelings shut down. I think this is really sad... because we end up living a sad half-life, and the world loses out on having our insight and passion. It is hard to find a way to keep our sensitive souls safe, but alive at the same time. But actually our world needs us..... and we need each other..... and we need to help each other find ways to stay open in such a world that sometimes seems hostile and bombards us with intense, difficult, painful stuff.



I read a wonderful book recently that has helped me a lot... and I offer it here in case others may find it helpful too... "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron.



May we all be happy. May we be free of suffering and the causes of suffering.

try to do things. set your target , love someone, write a book or learn to play guitar, just do something, there must be sorrow or joy , something in the life. wake up, live up...

I have been having the same problem. Scared that something is mentally wrong with me. I use to be such a loving person who constantly got stepped on by everyone around me and I feel like it ruined who I use to be

Sorry I wrote this with swype on my phone

I am over sensitive, I right now I really wish I wouldn´t feel anything, people react very harsh and badly, cruel to anyone in pain, and it makes you drown, I wish so badly I could just feel nothing it would save my life, pls help me, how do you feel nothing?

To Charinene, please take my advice because from the bottom of my heart I truly feel for you. I understand what its like to be very emotional and want it to be gone but after me wanting that the emotions did go away and if I had one wish it would be for my old self to come back amd mean that with all the seriousness in the world.. I use to be very emotional and would cry easily if my feelings were hurt and betrayed but I wanted to not feel hurt and betrayed so much so I subconsciously made a defensive mechanism from all my worry and stress and it ended up shuting me down emotionally like I wanted.. now that I have shut down and have become emotionally numb wish I could feel all the pain and hurt I did before and I would gladly embrace it and take it in.. you dont know what u have until u lost it and emotions fall into th is category for sure... I have been having my off and on moments on my road to get better and feel again and I learned that embracing my memories of hurt and pain have made me rese mo

Realize that you have to embrace it and discover yourself in it and instead of trying to make it go away and hide it you have to confront it and find hapiness within it if that makes since..its hard to explain in a way that you would understand since u have not yet lost emotion because I wouldny have either beford hand but you realize that life is full of suffering and sorrow and you must find a way to confront and conquer in order to be happy.. Take my word please and try your best even though u cant fully understand what I'm saying.. God bless u my friend and all others on this post

you dont ******* want this... it is.. well..

anyways take what your going throught and find a way to deal with it.
learn from it.
dont force yourself into a numb life. if i could trade you my numbness for your feelings... i dont even know. it would be the best day of my entire life

imagine not enjoying your favorite music.
or movies.
or being able to love your own mother.
video games.
sex.


your life is one giant movie.
one giant repetitive movie.

nothing exciting.
nothing fun.

just nothing.....

one big giant ******* nothing.......

Hey guys,

I am 42, and this thing only happened to me in the past couple of years. I used to be ALIVE. Now i just feel empty. I go through the day, and i can get my work done. I mean I still feel young in a way. i don't feel 42. Anyway, I am also beginning to see that life just kind of screws you over. It's like I don't have any heart left. i used to write songs and design cool stuff. But its all gone. When I am around people I seem to be different, more engaged and alive and stuff. i smile, I make jokes,but its not really me. It's just a person i made to cope with having to be in the world. I'll be honest. The pain in my life got to the point where I thought I couldn't bear it anymore. So I made a decision to kill my heart. I did all kinds of dumb stuff - **** and drinking and general meanness towards people. Sadly it worked. But I would rather have the pain back. Part of it was my obsession with work. i wanted to be the best at what i do. I realize now that there was a deep need, maybe you could call it an addiction to be loved - for people - or maybe just me - to believe that I was WORTH something. I really damaged myself - I was driven. I had a screwed up childhood - Dad was never there, Mom was unable to love unconditionally. I only learned how to be angry about ten years ago - i wasn't allowed to be angry with her. I don't think she meant bad - just didn't know better. Anyway. Now here I am with this dead heart. I do boxing and it helps - I feel a bit more alive and I sleep better. But sometimes, like tonight, I lie in bed and I feel nothing. The worst is no hope. I am supposed to be a Christian but i just dont know soemtimes. I wonder why i went wrong. Rationally I think God lets us do what we want. And I did. I just wish he could just fix me. I have started seeing some girls, but I feel a bit guilty, Maybe they will find out I am heartless and then feel I;ve been lying, or maybe i will start to feel something.

I feel nothing. Nothing at all. I laugh at jokes sometimes but it's very superficial. Guess I do it to exercise my facial muscles. I can relate to a lot of the posts here. I also lost my mother and siblings over a decade ago. My father remarried and I now have other step siblings. But i feel absolutely no connection with them. And I am entirely indifferent to that fact. I don't have many friends. Actually go out of my way to avoid attachment of any kind. After all, people are so needy. It's just too much work.

Otherwise I'm a nice person and wouldnt hurt a fly. Just wondering if this is going to be all life has to offer for me. If so, it's sorry way to live.

Anyway, good luck folks. Maybe this 'feeling numb bullshit' is just a strange evolutionary phenomena.

If I may be a little provocative.... this post seems to be in some small way a bid for connection.... so maybe you are not quite as numb as you think you are?

Yeah I feel this emptiness always in my heart that keeps me numb to emotion. I believe that it all started at my childhood. My parents fighting all night and day my whole life. My father never having a sober moment always falling over drunk and angry. I guess the overwhelming feeling of fear and anger mixed with sadness drove me to a emotional breakdown where all feelings ceased to be. When he passed away after taking too many drugs one day I found him called 911 then went right back to ironing my pants for school. Right then I felt. My soul come out of me and all that was left was a walking empty shell.

Yeah I feel this emptiness always in my heart that keeps me numb to emotion. I believe that it all started at my childhood. My parents fighting all night and day my whole life. My father never having a sober moment always falling over drunk and angry. I guess the overwhelming feeling of fear and anger mixed with sadness drove me to a emotional breakdown where all feelings ceased to be. When he passed away after taking too many drugs one day I found him called 911 then went right back to ironing my pants for school. Right then I felt. My soul come out of me and all that was left was a walking empty shell.

Yeah I feel this emptiness always in my heart that keeps me numb to emotion. I believe that it all started at my childhood. My parents fighting all night and day my whole life. My father never having a sober moment always falling over drunk and angry. I guess the overwhelming feeling of fear and anger mixed with sadness drove me to a emotional breakdown where all feelings ceased to be. When he passed away after taking too many drugs one day I found him called 911 then went right back to ironing my pants for school. Right then I felt. My soul come out of me and all that was left was a walking empty shell.

Foxmar I can relate to the loss of childhood memories, the good ones associated with warmth love and happiness, best thing you can do is talk to someone about what happened so you don't have to face it alone, if not a close one then a Councillor/therapist, I wish there was just a button I could press that would let everything come out, let me deal with it and get it out my system, if I could open up to my family it would work but I have a brother and a dad and that touchy feely stuff is just doesn't happen with males, wish I had a sister :(

I called over to an old neighbour few months back who was kinda like a surrogate mom for a while, opened up to her and got loads of my chest as I had everything bottled up for years, was meant to call back over for a coffee but have not yet done so

Edmungus, Foxmar, Dirteah Sneakers, after coming here and reading your experiences and stories I reflect & identify with many of what you are all going through, this is helping me see that I'm not alone, and hopefully that each and every one of you will come to see this also. I wish to share a part of myself to help you see and identify with me.



I'm 28 & some days nothing goes through my mind, I feel nothing and when I try to think I have trouble concentrating and my memory fails me. I've always been smart kid, had a lot of artistic and poetic creativity, good at understanding body language and aware of my environment and how it affects me, but without memory or feeling this can become quite difficult task for me. There is nothing to explain what feeling it is because it isn't one at all. The best way I can put this experience across is like being in limbo, as though it were some empty & dark place and the only way out is to end it all.



On the other hand I feel I'm a truthful, honest and understanding person with a deep sense of empathy and compassion for others, yet there is this sense of detachment, no sense of belonging or connection to the past, can't maintain personal friendships and sometimes interpersonal skills are go to sh*t so I tend to keep away from most people as to avoid disappointment on their behalf. Sometimes I feel I wish I could be more proactive in life and spend more quality time with people and just feel NORMAL but fact of the matter is I can't force myself to do that, that it no longer comes natural to me, and will end up finding that emotional connection gone the next day or so.



When I feel that something is missing it's as though mentally I've run out of batteries, the feeling of being depleted as though some part of the brain has been turned off or as though synaptic pathways has lost it's energy and as a result find my own potential limited, and difficult to articulate my own thoughts and feelings. I've come to the idea that coping mechanisms are responsible and is now running as well as ruining my life, and not imagining myself in another 5-10 years still feeling like this. I can only hope I'm right on this as there are some treatments out there which can fix this. I hear there is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) which help recharge and switch on different parts of the brain for people with certain aspergers and autistic traits, and soon there will be some kind of amazing memory drug which stimulate neurological growth to increase memory and learning for people with impaired memory, learning and such as those with Alzheimers, and as for anti depressants I'm not to sure, but much like most of you I'm looking to be fixed. You are not alone on this.



I'm open to any of you, and welcome any friendships I may gain from here.

I'm not sure how i stumbled upon this website but i'm happy because you seemed to have verbalized what I was thinking. has anything helped? were you just having an off night? i would like to get to know what has helped yoy

you*

Me too. I'm scared that I'll never feel again, but I'm also afraid to feel.

It started very suddenly, when I was fourteen years old. I just woke up one day, and realised that I felt nothing at all.

I don't know how to turn my emotions on again - I didn't even realise that I'd "turn" them off in first place. I just thought it was a part of growing up. I think it's so confusing, that I have to read my bodylanguage to know how I feel. But somehow I know it's for the best. I think I'd rather hide my emotions and memories of a VERY dark time, and keep my sanity. Because I honestly think I'd go mad, if I knew what my subconcsious know.

I was sexually and physical abused as child, and I've litterally lost all of my childhood memories. Only a few, very bad, memories are left, and I'm having trouble with them already; so it's hard not to appriciate the numbness and lost childhood memories. But I still wished I was normal and my biggest worry was boys..

How could I, if I ever decided to, turn the feelings back on?

Please help me.

I wish so badly not to feel anything anymore, it´s all hurting so badly and I feel so alone, with the pains unbearable

I have the same thing going on right now, and it is horrible. You feel detatched from so many things and you say things you wouldn't normally say. I think i'm a bit out of it but the things going on around me seem to just bring me back down. It's like the good things can never add up. Being at school with this empty feelin of depression just makes you feel way worse.. you don't want people to think of you like that. You want 'em to know who you are.. you want to show them that flair but you can't. It's not like it's been a big difference for me since i've always been shy and awkward in public but it still matters to me that i don't seem too out of it. At the beggining of the school year for me, i was horrific.But the thing was that people were talking to me.(first year of grade 10 in high school) It was hard. I always hoped that people wouldn't be happy around me because i didn't want 'em to think that i wasn't an easy going person. Well like i mean it was hard to laugh at all for me. It's like they were sharing with me a part of them and i couldn't be decent enough to just smile or laugh for them. It was just that hard. It was scary for me. And the weeks just passed by so fast due to my emotionless. Hearing people say sad things to me just made me feel even worse though because it doubled the effect of hopelessness onto me. Why did i have to be like this? I was just still anxious and crazy with my depression and shyness... but the depression did numb me.. and i am still a little numb. It does block out alot of things for you so that you don't have to count on people to make you feel worse. It's trying to help you yet it doesn't.

I don't feel anything what so ever, pretty much devoid of emotion and not happy about it, not sure what to do, Iv been alone for 13 years, haven't been with a girl properly in 13 years and when I am with one I don't feel **** hugging kissing etc , now at 28 seems like this is how its gunna be for me.

My Mom died when I was a kid so I'm pretty sure it's related to how I am, either that or I have some sort of mental illness in that I'v read a lack of emotional response is a symptom of scizophrenia, I have not had any sexual thoughts or feelings in 9 years so I'm pretty sure God does not want me to pass on my seed, still a virgin as its hard to sleep with anyone when you have no sexuality..very pissed of about this.

There's a movie coming out called the mortician starring method man, his mom dies when he's a kid, then as n adult he as no emotional connection to anyone, he's alienated and cold and that's exactly how I am.

I'm depressed most days, live like a hermit and think about suicide a lot, I used to be this whole other person full of life charisma, energy and people used to love my ***, I had a high level of intelligence and artistic creativity, all that started to die out and I became depressed and withdrawn in my teens and Iv been billy no mate's ever since.

The frustration and bitterness in who I used to be and how people related to me and what I turned in to and ending up alone eat me up a lot, it really is not fair.



Someone suggested Homoeopathy to me as a way of resolving child hood traumas as I had tried everything else physiologists etc,

I had some sort of emotional breakthrough, felt this powerful surge of emotion and broke down crying in the shower, think i was grieving, but as soon as I started feeling all this **** my mind starts racing, think this is some sort of defence mechanism to keep me from feeling ****, as my mind is usually running 24/7, days after I was experiencing huge amounts of guilt that I had never felt before, think the homoeopathy was a placebo, not sure and I'm not recommending it. all this happened during the summer but I have since regressed back into depression and its now late November,



Would be great to be able to have someone to talk to about all this, not sure why I'm posting this but would be cool to get a response

u r way to young to be engulfed in death. u need to live be happy. u will find alot of fucknuts in this world that want 2 bring u down so that they can be happy, well dont let them.i float in at out of all kinds of ****** up emotions all the time but i still come back too and love me. daddylove baby daddylove. u will get throuh this as i and many ohters have. if u ever need to talk just hit me up.k. it will work out, hang in there kitty.