Listless , Discompassionate , Souless , Spiritless , Heartless , Dead .

Dammit , why did I see this group before signing off for the day ? Brain still works fine , check ; body functioning , check ; soul ... soul ? ( no response ) Awww , crap , where'd it go ? For months , years maybe , this has been the case . Can't say it's been by choice , it just kinda ... is . Or isn't  I should say . Every day , I go to work , do my job , joke around with the guys , and the moment no one's looking , the blackness engulfs me . Deep , dark  , seriously dark darkness .  Even when in the face of personal tragedy , the tears don't come , no sobbing happens . I can feel bad , too true . But , where did the caring go ? For myself , for others , ... I don't know . Just another walking corpse marching through the living world on my way to the grave . What a miserable story to write , but 's true . EP started out as therapy , but has made me realize just what I've become . Bottom feeder , zombie , the one mothers warn their kids about . How many times have I been told that I look like a murderer ? Once a month on average . I look in the mirror and see my eyes are those of the dead . Too often people turn away rather look me in the eyes when talking to me . I'm starting to understand now . I have become the human black hole , Some can get too close and get sucked into the psychic vortex around me and crushed . It isn't intentional . I pray to God to heal my soul and take away the darkness inside me , but it hasn't happened yet . Perhaps He has my soul for safe keeping and it'll be returned once I pay the price , whatever it may be . Either way , something has to happen soon ; I gotta make the change or there'll be hell to pay and the price is the only thing I can't afford to lose , MY SOUL .

Tanengreen Tanengreen
36-40, M
1 Response Mar 12, 2010

from what i see through my computer screen, you have a kind and caring soul. sometimes being a zombie is our only way of defending ourselves from pain, maybe its your way of protceting yourself while you heal. i believe you will heal your own soul, dont wait around for god to do it.<br />
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xxx