Feeling Suffocated

This is my first time writing here
It's a long story sorry..
For the last two years I've been in a very serious relationship.
I'm only 17 but he's 19 and was much more experienced than me at the time
I first met him at church
He was my first kiss and everything else
Before I met him, I lived in my own world because my friends and I didn't have many things in common
When we first shared our music interest, the way we view things in life, I was so surprised of our similarity
Anyways, this summer, I had to take classes in nyc where he had an apartment so I lived with him for two and a half months
In the beginning it was amazing, but at the end (4 days ago) I ended our relationship
We promised each other a future and never ending love but I was honestly afraid
I guess it's really hard to let him go because he was my first love
lately I've been feeling quiet depressed
As if somethings constantly choking me and sitting on my chest
I feel a layer of a thick wall and I feel suffocated
I keep trying to remember the past when I had a great time but I can't seem to bring that feeling back
I remember when I saw him very happy it'd give me a heart warming feeling
He still loves me and I do too but I can't be with him forever...
and I know if I continue this relationship I'm going to become mroe attached that I will never able to let him go and hate myself at the same time
I've never met someone who cared about me as much as he does
He gives me his world and I feel guilty that I can't
Last two years I have lost majority of my friends and spent all my money on this relationship
I have nothing to do but to sit in my room
I'm still calling him and telling him everything
He's just so hard to let go
I don't know why I'm writing this, i just thought this could help me out
yellowfuton yellowfuton
18-21, F
Aug 12, 2010