Apathy...

Apathy scares the h*ll out of me. I don't want to stay this way, but I don't think i can handle the pain right now. It gets me by for the time being, but how long will it last? I don't want to be dead inside for the rest of my life.

I just want it all back. I want my life. I want my heart. I want my confidence. 

I'm a hollow shell and I don't want to be that way! I've seen what that does to a person. I've felt what that does to the people around that person. 

I feel inhuman. I feel like an object. I feel like I'm existing, but not living. I don't know if I want it back right now, but I DO know I don't want to feel alive again someday soon. I just don't know if it's possible.

Surujen Surujen
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I know the feeling well. It isn't fun at all. All I can suggest is to try to keep moving forward, try to smile and really mean it, try to remember those happy and fulfilling times and try to figure out why those times were good for you. Also, be true to yourself, cherish every moment.

yes survival mood is a hard way of life. Try breaking out of it, love yourself, fill in that empty hollow sheel with what you know. Write down a list of what makes you great, and goal of how you can find yourself.