Hollow

Hi All,

Just a quick note to those who can empathise with me.

I feel hollow, most of the time, empty, bereft of feeling.

I know this is because with the exception of when I am at work, I am usually on my own.

Most weekends I can easily go without meeting a single other person except a shop assistant. Sometimes they don't even speak...

I guess thats why I feel empty. I spend my time trying to entertain myself. Going shopping - when I'm out and amougst a crowd of people, I could potentially be someone with an interesting life and most "normal" people shop - its an activity I can get involved in without having to have a partner, husband, children or without people wondering why I haven't all of the above. I can wander aimlessly without people having expectations of me. ..But then I have to come home. to my TV and my thoughts. Constantly not feeling good enough - always on a diet because I think that will improve my life - (I'm not overweight but of couse those few pounds could make all the difference - right - who am I fooling).

I surf the web  - watch every soap opera going on TV. I could probably write a TV guide for every channel going for a week without a mistake!

Then I start to think - examine - why have I got no=one. I'm intelligent, good looking etc = great career, successful.

I don't care a jot about any of the above. I want someone in my life.

I'm tired of sleeping in a big bed all by myself.

When I wake during the night - there is no one to cuddle with or snuggle up to.

cooking is just for me - no joy in feeding and nourishing someone. - so why bother to cook!

I could go on and on but I'm depressing myself by doing that.

So I'm feeling a little empty. No one to expect me home - no one to come home to.

Just shopping, eating, self-critisim, over-thinking, hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow.

Am I worthwhile enought to be living?

 

 

 

WishIwasHappy WishIwasHappy
36-40, F
5 Responses Jul 17, 2007

you have the time - have you tried volunteering? providing help to other people could fill the void you're feeling AND introduce you to someone new.

Has anyone just tried "crying out" to the God of the bible, and asking Him for help? Not the God of hypocritical people...the real God. The one who does love us. Enough to send His son for our forgiveness? Just curious.

Could't have said it better myself. it's like you r living my life. I want to change too. question is how?

Yeah, I feel something similar. i'll be 22 tomorrow and for some reason people around me, friends and family think I should be happy, but the truth is that I feel totally hallow, like I don't have a motivation in my life, something to live for, that's an awful feeling, ya know...Another year has come to remind me what I'm:an empty person. Looking back to my life, you know what it seems to me:like I haven't done anything and there's not even a little of optimism in me,I think it'll always be that way and the worst is that most of the time that I feel like this I try to look for a reason, why I'm so sad and there isn't a reason, it's just that I can't be happy, I won't get any better. i've tried to tell my best friend how I feel , but it's like no one understands how I feel, maybe I'm just crazy...

i think you should find a friend who can be there for you at all times.. try to go out with other friends as well as dating.. pray pray and pray be optimistic,, i knw you can find the man for you.. dont loose hope..