I hate feeling fat.  I weigh 130 pounds and am 5'5".  Not overweight.  In fact, I am only about 15 pounds away from being considered underweight.  So why do I hate the skin I am in?  Why do I torture myself?  When I look into a mirror it is like looking into a funhouse mirror.  I can pick apart every part of myself and find something that needs to be changed.  I wish there were someone special who could make me feel beautiful.  When I get compliments on how thin I am or how pretty I am...I never know how to respond, because I just don't see it!  Ok, I am done whining......
Jynx Jynx
31-35, F
7 Responses Jun 11, 2007

It's easy to hate one's body when the media bombards us with looks of people who spend thousands<br />
yearly, if not sometimes monthly to look a way they tell us we should look. Often the way we feel on the outside has to do with either our own expectations based on false impresions from others expectaions. <br />
Often it may be from our own disatisfaction with life in one of MANY areas that have nothing to do with looks.<br />
Sometimes it even stems from past child-hood ordeals.<br />
A friend or realatives actions, a best friends poorly timed comment about our looks, or piers teasing us about our looks when we were young [The same peeps at the reunion years later that can't believe the bomb shell you turned out to be :-) ]<br />
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Who knows why you feel the way you do. It comes down to what you know sometimes and not what you feel (easier said than done sometimes). If you have enough good comments, then I would except it as fact that you are pretty (and you are). Especialy if you consider how hard it is to get compliments out of people so often.<br />
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Remember that evenflowers often have a bad day! Not to many people pretty or not always look the part.<br />
Also remember that many people choose a vibrant, glowing person as the beautiful one based on the vibes that person puts out (confidence, slef-esteem, ect.) even if they are standing next to someone else that may in fact be even more beautifull in a photo. Beauty is the whole and not the part. Not JUST the outside and not JUST the inside.<br />
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Sorry if anything I say seems to much or to cliche or full of it. However what I say is based on my heart and much research in the sociology world by hundreds of well known researchers. Not to mention.........uuuuhummmm. My own personal experience in one on one and group council with others.<br />
Trust me, I'm VERY anylitical and perseptive of MOST people.<br />
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I know you heard something like this from me about a year ago. However just want to rehash it in case it didn't sink in.<br />
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Ok, Ok, Ok I will end the book with this.<br />
An old EP friend,<br />

honey don,t be so hard on yourself you look great but you need to see it. you are not fat in any way and youhave a very pretty face you will have no problem metting men when you are ready love yourself you are worth it. good luck to you cattlemoose

Who is the most beautiful woman?<br />
One who is in peace with herself by controlling her ego.

It is natural for one to look into the mirror and see a mass of flaws. You see what other people do not see. When I was 5'7" and 129 lbs, I felt fat, too. After allergies and lots of hormonal problems that caused me to gain weight, I'd give my eye teeth to be back at that weight. I am gradually returning. After all I have been through, feeling good in this body is what I want...enough about me. You have been through a lot emotionally, based on your other posts. Maybe some negativity is being channeled in this manner. Although you feel this way, any reasonable individual would disagree with your assessment. Have you considered some talk therapy to help you sort out your thoughts? Sometimes when we speak through issues with an ob<x>jective individual, we gain perspective and are able to better flesh out solutions.

Instead of looking for things that you don't like, start saying "you know, I like this about myself" I know it’s harder that it sounds, I've **** on myself for years and only recently have discovered how much power there is in words. So if you are constantly telling yourself you are fat, worthless, ugly, etc, when you look into a mirror or think about yourself your mind is going to say exactly what you have been telling yourself. It’s a slow process but try to be more positive about yourself and I think you will see results. I hate myself less and less everyday, yay me!

It is really too easy for people to pick themselves apart. I do it to myself mentally, but not so much physically. I am very critical of my own thoughts and behavior, overly so. I know it's not healthy but I can't seem to stop. I think it may be similar to you picking yourself apart in the mirror. I'll tell you that you are not fat at all and you look very beautiful from your pictures. You may not be able to see that for yourself but it's true.

I don't think you are whining. People see themselves differently than others. I don't like my body either and seem to get compliments on how good I look all the time. I can't stand it.