I Need Advice Please I Really Need Help

I just turned 15 and I'm 5 '6 and I weigh 95lbs last time i checked.

I look in the mirror and I see a fat slob I love food and eating but I skip meals sometimes just lunch and breakfast and sometimes dinner I try making myself throw up i attempt it almost every night in the shower I think my problem is that i dont like putting my finger down my throat it scares me So i skip meals like i said I know I'm on my way to the worst diet ever but I'm fat i need to be beautiful its not that i wanna be like any celebrities I dont idol those rich stuck up ******* I just wanna be beautiful.

 

Lostinimage Lostinimage
13-15, F
8 Responses Mar 24, 2009

Thin isn't beautiful, making yourself sick definatly isn't beautiful. True beauty comes from the confidence you get from being comfortable in your own skin. X

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I also hope it helps in a big way too.

You don't idolize those rich stuck up *******, but it sounds to me, and it is quite possible that I'm wrong so please don't take this as a criticism, but it sounds to me as if you are angry at them for being more beautiful than you. Perhaps you believe that they think they're better than you? You may not accept what I'm about to say, I think it highly likely that you won't, but you can't respect and understand the position others have in life until you learn to accept where you are right now. And know this... all gods children are beautiful. Beauty is a symbolic thing. The people that are most popular in this life are the people the have what we want. They say that once upon a time, perhaps millions of years ago I don't know, that men were attracted to fat woman, perhaps because a fat woman represented one who could nurture their children and survive the cold winters.<br />
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Don't give up. Every second of every day is another chance to turn it all around, and remember that just because you don't take these chances it doesn't mean that you're a loser. When a drop of water splashes over a rock it naturally takes the path of least resistance to get to the bottom, which is to say, humans may believe that they are apart from nature and that the artificially is important, but deep down, we know the truth and we want to believe.<br />
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I hope that this, in some small way, helps.

ps - that girl up there who "relates to you" is toxic. You will not become more beautiful losing more weight.<br />
You will never be more beautiful - weight loss is not going to make you love yourself. That is what you need to work on - loving yourself. You are actually punishing yours self with self depravation. Its a form of self abuse and is every bit as damaging as someone else abusing you.

Why do you feel like you do not deserve to live?<br />
You need more help than a forum can give you. You are NOT FAT. You are seriously malnourished and underweight.<br />
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Is there a school counselor you can talk to? Can you talk to your parents or a sibling?<br />
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You will not stop your behavior without real help. I think you know that. If you have to - present yourself to the emergency room and ask for help. You are killing yourself with your behavior - I think you know that too. <br />
Dont under play your emotions or allow anyone else to do so either. If your parents are not responsive - (sometimes parents done acknowledge these things because they feel like failures) - find someone else. A trusted teacher, the parent of a friend, and aunt, an uncle even a kind neighbor.<br />
Whatever you do - know that you have the strength to get the help you need.<br />
You already have the strength to avoid eating - that takes a lot of stubbornness and strength to do that. SO you already have the inner skills you will need to get better - you just need to learn to apply that strength to being well and healthy instead of depriving yourself of life.

I know how you feel, although 15 was a long time ago for me! I remember never feeling good enough, all the closet eating, how all the boys liked my friends and would say rude things to me. I STILL struggle with food issues, but PLEASE don't starve yourself or throw up. Weight Watchers online is really good and not too expensive, maybe your parents would help, or you could go to meetings. Go for walks at first and maybe try other excercise after. I lost 80 lbs at weight watchers and I feel so much better! It DOES get better, I definately blossomed after losing the weight, and I was 15 when I joined (25 years ago!!).. You can do it. Beauty starts on the inside!

I think beauty comes from the heart and shines out to the world. I hope that you will get help with your eating disorder so that you will be able to see the beautiful person that you are. Good luck and God Bless you.