Lived a Bit

So being a single mother of three and having a life that, well, lets just say it's been tough and its beat me down a bit. This has caused me to change over the years, to loose my carefree self and become a bit more reserved and hidden. I don't go out or have fun as an adult...  yes, I have a blast w/ the kids and roll in the grass and dance in sprinklers but as an adult my creative, free self is locked up. I do express this old self in my writing but don't generally bring it out too often, maybe an occasional comment, which gets me those looks like a nun flipping you the finger, "What's up w/ her" kinda look. I can be outspoken but again I always run back to my shell... I miss me, I miss the me that didn't care what ppl thought or analyzed each and every word and task prior to attempting it for fear of not being the "norm". 

ooohhhhh have I rambled off the subject... so it breaks down to this: I desire to be the old me and last night, I was.

Was invited to a party, excited, ready, want to be w/ adults doing adult things. But would I be me.... I was determined. I wanted to drink, play and have fun and guess what, I did. It was great, jeans, boots and even unbuttoned that bottom one on the shirt to show off the girls. This party would be ppl from my past, ppl that I hadn't seen in some time and expected "me" to come in...and that's what I did. Walked in bag of my fav Raspberry Martini fixings in one arm and the other extended to start the hugs. My friend had been calling me all afternoon to make sure that I would be there so I knew she was excited to hang again too. Handed off the bag and she jumped into my arms, and just like old times I was back. That hug was an instant release, reminding me of where I wanted to be and I even planted a kiss just to confirm it. Yes I started to not go, self conscience self didn't want to be around bikini babes in my JLo butt but apparently I looked good... comments started my courage began to grow and off we were. Next thing I know my blue little drinks were a hit and someone even ran to the corner for more. I was loud, outspoken, sexy, flirtatious and fun and not just on the other side of a phone or computer, but right there in front of everyone. I made drinks, I danced, talked to ppl old and new and had a blast. My friend was worried that her hubby was being a bit too adult and asked me to make him a "good" drink....but she didn't think he'd do anything except sip all night. "I'll fix that" <said the old me> and I took two drinks, handed him one and made a little toast. We touched glasses and in old me fashion, we raced to see who could hit bottom first. It was great, free and fun. I even had my *** grabbed and a few kisses and know what, I enjoyed it damn it!!! Oh best part, the *** grabber, yeah his wife was watching and when I made a comment he said "Not a problem, she's good with that", I looked over and sure enough, she to was smiling at me. hubba hubba Yeah when he tried to hand me "their" phone numbers I laughed and turned to show him my ***... and he quickly shoved that number right into my back pocket. This is me, again, me having fun, me being a free spirit and no I'm not a total hoochie, I ended my night w/ the same person I always do. Boy did the X benefit from this night. lol 

Until the next event... which I just found out is a few weeks away... a sex toy party!!! Now that will be a blast!!! Ha I may never get on this computer again... hhhuuuummmmmm  LMAO



*update... fuzzy details beginning to come back to me.... OYE VEI!! lol Just realized I shared a cig w/ a girl and she held it the whole time and uuhhh I don't smoke. OH I'm gonna hear about this today.... AND I DON'T CARE!! :P

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
3 Responses Jul 29, 2007

Another story from 2007 and got old again... memories are so much fun and glad EP keeps them for me.

Sweet story, I agree with your sentiment that as you get older you find yourself acting so much within norms. I don't like that either, I wish to care less about what people think of me. Glad you had a blast!!

lmao found out their swingers... hehe