Mini Me? (actually, He's 6' Tall And 190

I often feel guilty about many things, but specifically, I feel guilty that I favor one of my children over the others. I love all three of them more than anything, I would die for all three, without hesitation.

However, I feel closer to my son, who happens to be the eldest at 17. My daughters are both your typical "Daddys girls". I have always related to my son easier than my daughters. While the girls are fighting over who gets to sit in the front seat, next to Dad, my son silently heads to the back seat and turns up the volume on his iPod.

 He loves to read, he listens to a wide variety of styles and genres of music. He is optimistic, but not niave. He doesn't expect anyone is going to offer him a free ride. He is sarcastic and funny and extremely bright. In short, I think he is the one that is most like me.

I think he is my favorite and I feel a bit guilty for having one. *heavy sigh*
OnlyOneChiquita OnlyOneChiquita
41-45, F
14 Responses Aug 5, 2010

This sounds very familiar. My son is hers, our daughter is mine, not in the ownership way but in bonding. Everyone has a best friend, kids have a best parent. But, as my little sweet pea got to be a full grown, independent, woman; she has become her mother. They share, they tag team me on my flaws (but wait, in though I was perfect =>). It's great being parents.

Thank you, rw5453. I appreciate that. = )

Sounds harmless to me

Thanks, C. You are such a sweet potato! I appreciate your comment.

I think others have touched upon this, but there's a difference between perhaps having a favorite, and showing favoritism. The first is likely more or less inevitable simply due to varying personalities (e.g. your son is more like you), but the second should be avoided and is corrosive to all involved (I've been there and it's no fun.). I don't think you're one to show favoritism, and thus you're fine.

Awww, thank you, angel! = )

Thank you for saying that, Vignette. I should have admitted it sooner, I have been packing around all that guilt for nothing. = ) Thanks sweetie.

You always manage to bring things into perspective, package it beautifully and top it with a sparkly do you do that??<br />
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You are absolutely right and I want to thank you for pointing it out. I have been beating myself up for it for years. UGH! But no more! You are a treasure, J. I adore you.

I have one sister, my mother loves us equally, of this I have no doubt. For much of my life I was her favorite as our tastes were much the same, books, music, humor. But as I drift into the more esoteric, I have less in common with her than my sister does, and now she is her favorite. Do I feel that my mother loves me any less? No. If anything, I feel her love for me more BECAUSE she does not love me any less even though I am no longer her favorite. She used to feel guilty when I was her favorite, but now that she knows from first hand experience that favor has nothing to do with love; she has shed her guilt. We spoke of this often when I was in the hospital last year.<br />
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Love is unquantifiable. In all of your stories and comments and Q&A answers about love and caring, those that come from your soul, you always speak of your children; undifferentiated. It is obvious to anyone who reads your writing here on EP that you do not love any one more than any other, and I believe you are truly incapable of even attempting to love any of your children unequally. <br />
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It is a matter of connotative semantics that makes you feel guilt - release it; it has no meaning:<br />
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favor |ˈfāvər| ( Brit. favour)<br />
verb [ trans. ]<br />
1) feel or show a preference for or have greater commonality with : slashing public spending is a policy that few politicians favor.<br />
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Dictionaries list definitions in order of correctness, notice it says nothing about love. Pay special attention to the second part of the definition; of course you "favor" your son if you have more in common with him. Again, there is no need for guilt of any kind.

J., I appreciate your generous words. Thank you. That means a great deal coming from you, because you know me so well. Hugs to you, sweet.


That is reassuring. Thank you, PTMAN, I appreciate you sharing that with me.I always thought, we, as parents, were required to love our children all exactly the same and not have "a favorite" per say. I supppose I have been feeling secretly guilty about it ever since my daughters came along.<br />
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Thanks for reading and for commenting, sug.

I think all parent's have a favorite. I have been close to many large families. Infact my own father is one of eight kids and believe me he is the favorite whether it is ever said by his 88 year old dad or 77 year old mother it is apparent. I have more thoughts that may apply to your situation but I would not write them here. <br />
You are a great mother and honest.

I believe that all of us as parents do that chiquita, i know that my youngest daughter is my favorite of my kids. I love them all the sam, but she is so much like myself she is witty funny and outgoing. my eldest daughter is more like her mom quiet you might say. and my son he is 19 and he is definately my wifes favorite. but like i said i love them all the same and like you would die for them.