I Feel Guilty Right Now

I am a people pleaser and tend to feel guilty when I can't do something I have commited myself do doing or when I feel like I have disappointed someone close to me. My father came here this weekend to visit and is staying at his timeshare condo just one hour away. We had plans on spending the weekend with him. The problem is ok my dad has a new girlfriend I just met like 3 months ago for the first time. She was completely terrible and nasty towards me right from the get go. She said things, yelled at me for locking her keys in the car and made comments that were very offensive behind my dads back of course while it was just she and I together. The minute my dad came in to the same room she was as sweet as pie to me. It was crazy I have never experienced anything like this with anyone my dad has been with. I finally made the decision to tell him later what had happened with this girlfriend of his. He didn't say much and thanked me for telling him.

 Well here it is three months later after that horrible weekend spent with his new girlfriend and he decides to come visit again and my dad never comes down here in the winter so that alone is strange ok. Well I am not a real outspoken or confrontational person so I have not said much else about the whole thing! I have been dreading this visit all week and very anxious and uneasy about it. So heres where the guilt comes in on my part. Instead of telling my dad "Hey look I don't want to spend a single second with this witch you are dating to just be treated like crap again" I told him my son was not feeling well and that we couldn't make it. Last week I actually did have the flu and I just told him that my son picked up what I had. My son is in fact not feeling well but not to the point where I couldn't try and make it out to see my dad.  I feel horrible lying or exaggerating to my dad like that! I just couldn't bring myself to be around this woman right now! My health is not so good I am diabetic and when I get stressed out my sugar levels shoot through the roof. In some cases I even get real dizzy and lightheaded plus my eye sight has gotten terrible.

I am a very emotional person and just being around someone like his girlfriend creates alot of stress for me and it really does a number on me! The bottom line here is I kinda lied or ok exaggerated this sickness of my sons to my dad! I feel guilty but angry at the same time that he has chosen to put me in this situation again so soon with this woman who he knows treated me so badly! The two of them are like Siamese twins joined at the hip! Last time he was here I didn't get any alone time with him at all. Even when I call him she is always right there by his side listening to everything we talk about. I just couldn't bear to spend the weekend stressed out like that again. Can anyone out there relate? I know it is bad to lie and it's not something I like to do but I didn't want to tell him how I really felt.

Please read comments below story. I have included more specifics on this story if you read the comments below it you will understand my full anguish! You may understand why it was so difficult for me to be around this woman!

cmost cmost
36-40, F
6 Responses Feb 21, 2009

your dad should understand from your point of view! just because your dad loves her and wants to put up with her then thats down to him you don't! be honest though with your dad! eventally you will end up running out of ideas and he will contune to bring her thinking everything is ok. tell him that you find it hard to be around her and that your health suffers for it. he will then choose to either come and see you without her or he will not see you at all but thats the choice his got to make. i know it is hard as i refuse to go round my sisters and brothers house because of there partners. i also don't go round my sisters house because of the company she keeps and the fact she has a dangrous dog! i hardly see my sister because of this and family gatherings are hard but i am honest with them and they make the choice! if theres anything i've learned in my life is there is no point making your life a misery for other people espically when their not willing to do it for you! good luck and i hope things resolve with your dad and you have nothing to feel guilty for!

Yes I actually did see him today but he couldn't stay long he had to head back home. It was a nice visit and he has asked me to rethink moving to North Carolina with him. He just informed me that his condo would be for me and my son to live in that he and his girlfriend will not be living there with us. He thinks it would be a great financial opportunity for myself and my son because the place is already paid for. I would just have to pay utilities. Sounds like a great offer. I will be talking it over with my son and we will see what happens.

Thank you for your comment Hope2Bhappy. There really is more to this than I got into when I shared my story, I knew this woman less than 24 hrs and we were at a Food Lion parking lot and my dad was putting the cart away so he wasn't near by and she cussed me out and flipped out because she yelled at me to grab the door and it was too late the keys got locked in the truck! My dad had asked my son and I to move in with him in North Carolina just before he met this woman. I gave up a lot to go through with these plans my father and I made. My son was going to go to college there. Anyhow this woman let me know that first weekend I met her she did not approve of my son and I moving there with my dad! So it got real nasty and I left there that weekend just beside myself and my nerves were just completely shot. She did all this crap behind my dads back. This is why I had such a problem going out there to see my dad this weekend. I do want him to be happy and yes I am a grown woman but I gave up my financial assistance for my home and everything with plans of a future my father had promised me and my son. So I am frankly pretty devastated and this whole relationship he is in has turned mine and my sons future plans upside down. To be honest it has put me in a horrrible bind financially and I am a single parent with no help and my dad knows this. I would of been just fine if I had continued my own plans but when my father interveined he made me alot of promises and now all those plans have fell through after I went and gave up a lot on my end and can't get back the help I had been recieving. I told my dad everything this woman said and did to me and he is still with her. Not much I can do about it you know what I mean? I am just basically screwed!

Hmm. Is who your father dates really that important? She may very well be a nasty, mean, and hateful woman but your dad apparently likes her and you are a grown man so surely you'd could put yourself in your dad's shoes and think about how you would want him to accept your girlfriend and approve of her no matter if he liked her or not, right? Let your father do what he is going to do, he's an adult just like you and doesn't need to be told who or who not to date. Have you tried talking to the woman and seeing what her interests are? She probably just feels threatened by the attention that your dad may give you to instead of her while you're around so she lashes out at you to try to claim her place. My advice....he's your dad, let him do what he is going to do, it doesn't sound like you live with him anymore so why does it matter who he dates?

Yeah unfortunately I am serious! I know its pathetic to be that way but I told him how I felt about this woman already and he still brought her back around! I don't know really what to make of it. I want him to be happy though and he has the right to be with whom ever he choses I just don't want to deal with her right now. He called me tonight to tell me that he isn't leaving Sunday tomorrow morning and he is coming out here to the beach to stay in a hotel two blocks from my home. He wants to see me tomorrow so I am going to go of course. This is a shocker since he never stays around here when he comes to visit he always stays at his time share condo. Not sure what to make of it but I am glad I will see him after all. Guess I will just have to deal with the girlfriend.

.....are you serious?