Guilt StrickenNothing can be worse feeling guilty, specially when you're feeling down in the dumps already.
On Saturday, me, my mom, sister and her boyfriend Spencer went to the mall to hangout and shop, and as we sat down in the food court to rest, I suggested to Steph and Spencer that they eat by themselves while I go and do my own shopping. Apparently, Spencer didn't see it that way; he thinks I don't like him.
Believe me, I do like him. He's a great guy for my sister, and he can be my future brother-in-law, and I do look at him as an older brother.
I didn't mean what I said to come out that way, now he's avoiding me and all that.
But you know, you must understand why I said that.
Since those two are a couple, I feel like the 3rd wheel. My older sister taking me with her and her bf, like she's babysitting me...and he probably only likes me because he's dating my sister...I don't know if that's the case, but that's what it feels like to me.
Even Steph accused me of being jealous because she has a boyfriend and I don't...heh, well I am a little jealous. He worships her, loves her, does everything for her, and she does the same...I'd like to have a love as deep as theirs..
I don't understand why they want to be around me so much. They offer me to hangout with them, but I feel left out...they have each other, and I have no one, the odd number..It's a good thing I have my counseling session today..
But after I said that, he told us about what's going on at his house. His mom refuses him to join the Marine's, but his dad wants him to.
To think about him going overseas and the risks he'd be taking...If I'd had known, I wouldn't be harsh and a ***** to him.
I hope in time, we can connect like brother & sister..