And It Makes No Sense...

I have more problems than I'd like to admit and I tell...well, no one about them. My friend knows some of them and she gladly listens when I'm feeling terrible. She's always there for me, and I for her. But, I feel guilty when I tell her about my suicidal thoughts or depression or family issues. Or anything! I just don't want her to think that I'm using her as an object to vent. I care about her and if I lost another friend 'cause of my stupidity would ruin me.

Every time I unload some of the crap I suppress, she never judges me or anything. But, after I always feel like she's going to get sick of my **** and stop talking to me. And she has her share of problems too! Why should I be dumping all my problems on her, when she has stuff to deal with too! It's not fair of me to do this to her and yet, I continue to do it. I really don't even know why I feel guilty. I don't want to be a burden to her or become another problem of hers.

I feel like a terrible friend. I'm putting all this weight on her like she's obligated to help me...ugh, I don't deserve a person like her in my life and I'm being unfair to her by doing what I do. And it's not like I'm all that nice when I tell her **** too. I wish I didn't have so many problems.