I Left My Bf When He Needed Me Most.

I left him during his horrible state of depression. The moment he needed me most...I betrayed him and I left him. I left him like everyone else did when he had absolutely no one, but how could I love someone who desired death more than he wanted me in his life. I felt like everything I did with him, for him, was an utter complete waste. Even after everything I did, he was still not able to drive himself out of that state. I care so much that I cried everyday, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I left him, I abandoned him and I feel completely guilty. I don't know what to do to make this guilt go away. I wish I could have us back. I wish I could have the good and the bad all back. But I'm afraid, I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to face it anymore. I wish I was strong enough to ignore these things because I still truly love him. It's been too long and I still am worried and concerned about his health and his well being. I want him back, but I doubt he'd take me back. He said he'd never make me feel that way again and this time he wants to prevent it by isolating me. I just want him. Him and nothing more. I want to be his cure and his hero.

anisbox anisbox
18-21
May 14, 2012